I've not posted anything in a long time because nothing spanking related is happening to me and, truth be told, nothing spanking related is going to be happening for a long time, if ever.
I'm not trying to be negative about it all, it's just the reality of the situation. When my car got stolen and I had to get a new one, it killed my budget. The chunk of money I was able to save every month in a vacation fund is now gone. The other chunk of money I was using for debt reduction is gone too. Things now are beyond tight. The last couple of trips I did make, after my car was stolen, I really shouldn't have. I can't regret them, but they didn't help my debt load. To be fair, I used up my Aeroplan miles for the Savannah trip so that one wasn't too bad, but I still couldn't afford the other expenses.
I still have several more years of payments before that money frees up again. Since I'm having trouble budgeting in groceries, a spanking vacation is totally out of the realm of possibility.
Yeah, yeah, this is sounding like a "gloomy-gus, woe-is-me, boo-hoo-hoo poor me" post and it's not really meant to be. Obviously it's not a "look at me, my life is so great" post either. It's not like life is so bad, I have my dog (who is a year now) and I'm glad I do have him, I love him to bits . He does give me something when I no longer have the spanking thing to look forward to.
What I'm finding is that it is becoming harder and harder for me to post on and visit sites like FetLife or spanking boards. I don't feel a part of it. I feel like an outsider or an intruder. I no longer feel like part of the group because I don't have any recent shared history and so I feel awkward talking to my spanking friends because I do feel like an outsider (not that they do anything to make me feel this way). All I have is ancient history and every time I post, I'm recounting some old story that I've probably already told and have nothing new to bring to the table.
It's worse than before I ever got spanked. At least then it was just something I had an interest in; I had never experienced spanking and truly didn't ever expect to get spanked, so going to forums was my outlet. Now that I've walked a short distance into the spanking world and met people and made friends in real life, I know what I'm missing out on. Knowing that I'm not going to be part of that again for a long time can be difficult.
The reality is, people move on. Your place doesn't get kept for you, other people come along and fill your spot, that's the way of the world. It doesn't mean people didn't like you or they don't look back and think fondly of you, but the world doesn't stop rotating on its axis because I can no longer go to the events I'd really like to.
I fear if my situation ever does change, it will be hard to take up where I left off. I feel more and more vanilla every day. I feel like I stepped off one planet and it has moved out of my reach and I may not be able to get back again.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Sunday, October 23, 2011
SSC Memories
Well the SSC party is over and it sounds like everyone had a blast. I was violently ill that whole weekend so I guess it was a good thing I didn't have a plane ticket because I definitely wasn't flying anywhere.
This SSC has made me nostalgic. My very first spanking venture was to an SSC party, so that group definitely hold a special place in my heart. First spanking trip to a party and first spanking ever.
My first trip didn't go so well. It's funny how long ago it seems now. It was 2007 and I'd finally made up my mind and built up the courage to go see these crazy spanking people friends of mine from SIN. Since they'd already had two parties, I knew the attendees did in fact come back alive to tell the tales.
Knoxville is a difficult airport for me to get to. The route involved 4 separate flights and at one point I changed carriers to one that wasn't a sister airline of who I started out with. It also took about 16 hours or so. I worked a full shift and then began my trip after work.
I was nervous on so many fronts: nervous about meeting these "weird spanking people", nervous about getting my first spanking(s), and nervous about the trip itself (flights being on time, missed connections, etc.) I had the brilliant idea of traveling in a nice loose fitting dress and new sandals: light, airy, comfortable and not too hot. I hadn't really counted on the amount of walking in the airports. I ended up with a rash on my thighs and my sandals sawed a huge gouge out of the back on my ankles which then swelled up around the injury and was generally just a huge uncomfortable mess. I could barely walk - it was agony and I'd only made it to Vancouver so far. I still had 3 more flights!
I finally arrived in Knoxville in pain, hot, tired (because I couldn't sleep on any of the flights) and sweaty. All I wanted was to shower and change. Remember when I mentioned having to change carriers to a carrier that wasn't a flight partner of my original airline? Well, what this translated to was: NO LUGGAGE. So, now I didn't even have any clothes to change into.
My friend RE met me at the airport and I was uncomfortable meeting him because I looked like crap, felt like crap and I felt like I stunk from being all hot and sweaty. Plus I could hardly walk. I just about cried when my luggage wasn't there and I had no clothes (and more importantly all my nice panties I had so carefully purchased and packed).
We ended up going out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast (which didn't agree with me at all, so now add major intestinal difficulties into the mix) and then headed to Walmart so I could buy a few cheap clothes and cheap crappy panties to try and get me through until my luggage showed up (which wasn't until I was almost ready to leave).
What girl wants her first spanking to be in cheap Walmart panties while she is having major intestinal issues from Southern cooking? This was less than ideal.
I was seriously wondering about my sanity and why I chose to come on this trip. I was afraid I'd made the biggest mistake of my life.
Not yet having attained elite status, I was staying in a hotel in town and not at the main cabin. I was nervous as hell going up to the cabin to meet everyone else. I was sure I'd made a huge mistake. My first spanking was over and done with. It was nice, but I'd sort of been led to expect it would be a life altering moment and the reality was it wasn't. There wasn't anything wrong with the spanking and I enjoyed it, I'd just somehow built it up that it would be more...sort of like Christmas I guess, where you build it up so much that reality can somehow be a bit of a letdown even though it's perfectly wonderful. I'm sure the less than ideal conditions didn't help matters.
So we arrived at the cabin. You have to drive up a steep mountain with switchbacks and RG's directions which tend to be a bit convoluted. We did eventually find it, but ran into bears first and we were in a small convertible with the top down. I was ready to toss RE to the bears and save myself if need be!
It was definitely overwhelming. I wasn't sure who everyone was and felt stupid if I didn't know who people were and so I had a few people mixed up for the first few hours. Then I felt stupid for not realizing who they were. It was loud and there were people getting spanked everywhere. It was weird. I was thanking my lucky stars that the kitchen was a "safety zone". I'd be spending ALL my time in the kitchen! If people wanted to get to know me they could come find me there!
I was trying to downplay how much my feet/ankles were hurting and in retrospect I shouldn't have and should have gotten them treated properly as they did actually take almost 2 months to heal. I didn't want to be that whiny/complainy girl so I didn't say much about it.
The first thing I realized about a spanking party was that spanking is loud! I don't know why I hadn't really expected that, but I hadn't. At one point many of the attendees were playing spanking musical chairs. It was so loud I couldn't take it. I had to leave the room. I'm such a wuss. Now, while spanking musical chairs is still something I wouldn't participate in I'd be able to watch it now.
It amazed me how quickly I got used to chatting to people while they got spanked. After a while it just sort of got to be normal and no big deal. I'm still not a fan of wooden implements. They are so loud and I just cringe in sympathy so I have trouble watching the school girl role play stuff.
I was fascinated by RG's Canadian Prison Strap but didn't get up the courage to try it. Everyone universally raved about it though. I have since tried it and liked it!
I did eventually venture out of the kitchen safety zone.
What I liked about this group of people is how no one pressured me or tried to force me into doing stuff until I was ready. They were perfectly fine to just be friends whether or not I participated in the spanking.
In the end, I found that these "weird spanking people" were a wonderful group of friends and I cherish it every time I get to meet up with them. I wish it could happen more often. I'm so thankful I made that first trip in spite of all the bad stuff that happened. It does make for a good first spanking tale though.
This SSC has made me nostalgic. My very first spanking venture was to an SSC party, so that group definitely hold a special place in my heart. First spanking trip to a party and first spanking ever.
My first trip didn't go so well. It's funny how long ago it seems now. It was 2007 and I'd finally made up my mind and built up the courage to go see these crazy spanking people friends of mine from SIN. Since they'd already had two parties, I knew the attendees did in fact come back alive to tell the tales.
Knoxville is a difficult airport for me to get to. The route involved 4 separate flights and at one point I changed carriers to one that wasn't a sister airline of who I started out with. It also took about 16 hours or so. I worked a full shift and then began my trip after work.
I was nervous on so many fronts: nervous about meeting these "weird spanking people", nervous about getting my first spanking(s), and nervous about the trip itself (flights being on time, missed connections, etc.) I had the brilliant idea of traveling in a nice loose fitting dress and new sandals: light, airy, comfortable and not too hot. I hadn't really counted on the amount of walking in the airports. I ended up with a rash on my thighs and my sandals sawed a huge gouge out of the back on my ankles which then swelled up around the injury and was generally just a huge uncomfortable mess. I could barely walk - it was agony and I'd only made it to Vancouver so far. I still had 3 more flights!
I finally arrived in Knoxville in pain, hot, tired (because I couldn't sleep on any of the flights) and sweaty. All I wanted was to shower and change. Remember when I mentioned having to change carriers to a carrier that wasn't a flight partner of my original airline? Well, what this translated to was: NO LUGGAGE. So, now I didn't even have any clothes to change into.
My friend RE met me at the airport and I was uncomfortable meeting him because I looked like crap, felt like crap and I felt like I stunk from being all hot and sweaty. Plus I could hardly walk. I just about cried when my luggage wasn't there and I had no clothes (and more importantly all my nice panties I had so carefully purchased and packed).
We ended up going out to Cracker Barrel for breakfast (which didn't agree with me at all, so now add major intestinal difficulties into the mix) and then headed to Walmart so I could buy a few cheap clothes and cheap crappy panties to try and get me through until my luggage showed up (which wasn't until I was almost ready to leave).
What girl wants her first spanking to be in cheap Walmart panties while she is having major intestinal issues from Southern cooking? This was less than ideal.
I was seriously wondering about my sanity and why I chose to come on this trip. I was afraid I'd made the biggest mistake of my life.
Not yet having attained elite status, I was staying in a hotel in town and not at the main cabin. I was nervous as hell going up to the cabin to meet everyone else. I was sure I'd made a huge mistake. My first spanking was over and done with. It was nice, but I'd sort of been led to expect it would be a life altering moment and the reality was it wasn't. There wasn't anything wrong with the spanking and I enjoyed it, I'd just somehow built it up that it would be more...sort of like Christmas I guess, where you build it up so much that reality can somehow be a bit of a letdown even though it's perfectly wonderful. I'm sure the less than ideal conditions didn't help matters.
So we arrived at the cabin. You have to drive up a steep mountain with switchbacks and RG's directions which tend to be a bit convoluted. We did eventually find it, but ran into bears first and we were in a small convertible with the top down. I was ready to toss RE to the bears and save myself if need be!
It was definitely overwhelming. I wasn't sure who everyone was and felt stupid if I didn't know who people were and so I had a few people mixed up for the first few hours. Then I felt stupid for not realizing who they were. It was loud and there were people getting spanked everywhere. It was weird. I was thanking my lucky stars that the kitchen was a "safety zone". I'd be spending ALL my time in the kitchen! If people wanted to get to know me they could come find me there!
I was trying to downplay how much my feet/ankles were hurting and in retrospect I shouldn't have and should have gotten them treated properly as they did actually take almost 2 months to heal. I didn't want to be that whiny/complainy girl so I didn't say much about it.
The first thing I realized about a spanking party was that spanking is loud! I don't know why I hadn't really expected that, but I hadn't. At one point many of the attendees were playing spanking musical chairs. It was so loud I couldn't take it. I had to leave the room. I'm such a wuss. Now, while spanking musical chairs is still something I wouldn't participate in I'd be able to watch it now.
It amazed me how quickly I got used to chatting to people while they got spanked. After a while it just sort of got to be normal and no big deal. I'm still not a fan of wooden implements. They are so loud and I just cringe in sympathy so I have trouble watching the school girl role play stuff.
I was fascinated by RG's Canadian Prison Strap but didn't get up the courage to try it. Everyone universally raved about it though. I have since tried it and liked it!
I did eventually venture out of the kitchen safety zone.
What I liked about this group of people is how no one pressured me or tried to force me into doing stuff until I was ready. They were perfectly fine to just be friends whether or not I participated in the spanking.
In the end, I found that these "weird spanking people" were a wonderful group of friends and I cherish it every time I get to meet up with them. I wish it could happen more often. I'm so thankful I made that first trip in spite of all the bad stuff that happened. It does make for a good first spanking tale though.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Spanking People
With another SSC party just around the corner, I find myself thinking about the party scene. Even though I won't be making this one, the nostalgia from past parties is in high gear.
It seems to me that the people who go to parties can be generally divided into two broad groups. There is one group (which I think is by far the much larger group) of people who go to have fun, connect with people on a multitude of levels and for whom the spanking is just a bonus to it all. The other group of people is much more spank-centric: they eat, breathe, live spanking. When they aren't spanking all they think about is what spanking they could possibly be missing out on. They can't talk about anything else but spanking and everything they do is solely geared to get their spanking itch taken care of.
I find the second group of people tedious. When I interact with one of them I end up feeling more like an object to satisfy a desire than a real live person with feelings, opinions and interests outside the spanking realm. I definitely much prefer the whole package deal where spanking isn't the whole focus. I feel that people who are like this really miss out on a lot of the fun that is to be had. I'm sure they probably think I'm just wasting time and don't get my take on the scene at all.
I'm thankful that I have a group of friends who mostly have the same attitude toward spanking parties that I do and that we can periodically get together and have so much fun (even if a butt never got spanked).
I hope my friends have an awesome time in Savannah this coming weekend. I wish I was going to be there with you all. I'll be there in spirit though.
It seems to me that the people who go to parties can be generally divided into two broad groups. There is one group (which I think is by far the much larger group) of people who go to have fun, connect with people on a multitude of levels and for whom the spanking is just a bonus to it all. The other group of people is much more spank-centric: they eat, breathe, live spanking. When they aren't spanking all they think about is what spanking they could possibly be missing out on. They can't talk about anything else but spanking and everything they do is solely geared to get their spanking itch taken care of.
I find the second group of people tedious. When I interact with one of them I end up feeling more like an object to satisfy a desire than a real live person with feelings, opinions and interests outside the spanking realm. I definitely much prefer the whole package deal where spanking isn't the whole focus. I feel that people who are like this really miss out on a lot of the fun that is to be had. I'm sure they probably think I'm just wasting time and don't get my take on the scene at all.
I'm thankful that I have a group of friends who mostly have the same attitude toward spanking parties that I do and that we can periodically get together and have so much fun (even if a butt never got spanked).
I hope my friends have an awesome time in Savannah this coming weekend. I wish I was going to be there with you all. I'll be there in spirit though.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Life
Yikes, I haven't written in here in forever! Really it's because nothing has changed - no spankings to look forward to.
It can be hard when my friends are all gearing up to go to something fun. It isn't even so much the spanking I miss, but just meeting up with my friends. Thankfully I have my sweet new dog (well he's not so new now at 7.5 months) to keep me entertained.
I'm going through one of my phases where spanking seems incredibly silly. I know it will pass. It does make it easier when the phase coincides with a major spanking event I'll be missing.
I find myself withdrawing from my spanking sites and Fetlife. I still go every day because I find if I don't it gets harder to go back as time passes as I just feel too removed from it all. I'm not paying much attention though and I really don't have much to contribute.
I'm still around though, just standing in the shadows and being a wallflower.
It can be hard when my friends are all gearing up to go to something fun. It isn't even so much the spanking I miss, but just meeting up with my friends. Thankfully I have my sweet new dog (well he's not so new now at 7.5 months) to keep me entertained.
I'm going through one of my phases where spanking seems incredibly silly. I know it will pass. It does make it easier when the phase coincides with a major spanking event I'll be missing.
I find myself withdrawing from my spanking sites and Fetlife. I still go every day because I find if I don't it gets harder to go back as time passes as I just feel too removed from it all. I'm not paying much attention though and I really don't have much to contribute.
I'm still around though, just standing in the shadows and being a wallflower.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Feeling somewhat removed from it all
This year when it comes to spanking I really AM at the edge of things. It's very doubtful that I'll be going to any parties this year. In some ways this makes me pull back from people in the spanking world; my friends, the forums, etc. I just don't feel I have much to contribute and of course, I'm jealous when everyone else is getting all excited about the next big event. It's not that I'm not happy for them because I am and totally want them to have a good time, but at the same time it just sort of hurts and I feel left out and left behind and I'm selfish enough to be more sorry about me than I am happy for them. Not my best quality, I guess.
Anyhow, that got me thinking about meeting people and the spanking world and all of that stuff. The internet is great and I have no doubt that without it I'd never have gotten spanked. Ever. At the same time there's an immediacy to it that starts to build up expectations in people. Between blogs, twitter, online forums, spanking video sites, spanking forums, chat programs (text, voice and video), and anything else in there I may have overlooked people start to get the expectation that they are OWED stuff. Just because the technology is there does not mean I am required to show any guy who asks private photos of me. I don't have to get on web cam. I don't have to even answer a message if I don't want to or think it doesn't merit a response. I don't owe anyone anything. So many think they are owed this and if you aren't willing to provide it, you must be a fake!
Granted there are plenty of people out there who love nothing more than to share their photos (intimate and otherwise), videos and every moment of their life online with everyone. I'm not saying that is wrong if someone chooses to do that. If they get genuine enjoyment out of it then more power to them. But not everyone is like that. I don't like having my picture taken. I never have. I agonize over posting a photo (vanilla) and will only do it on a closed site where someone googling isn't going to be able to just happen upon it. Fetlife is good because you have to be a member to see anything and you can now set privacy levels on your photos so you can limit a photo to be seen only by your friends and not the Fetlife populace at large. Thankfully my friends know that if I give them permission to post one picture that I've given the OK to, that it doesn't mean I've given them carte blanche to post any and all pictures they may have of me. Obviously I know they wouldn't be malicious about it, but I'm very fussy about my pictures and most I'd prefer not to see the light of day. I have a hard time at the SSC, but I think I've been pretty good at ignoring the camera and trying not to get too focused on it. I think in 3 years there have been 2 pictures of me I liked and a couple more I didn't like, but didn't have serious objection to someone else posting it. But they ask. For each picture they ask. I appreciate that.
Then you get the blogging phenomenon going on. I try to be careful here and not post negative stuff about people until long after the fact when no one even remembers I was involved with that person anymore (and even then I try to keep it vague and just to the principles and feelings involved. What is out of line to me, may be someone else's idea of perfect.) I'll tend to discuss my concerns with friend in private rather than air them publicly either on a blog or a forum. I think it avoids a lot of drama and while I might enjoy watching someone else's drama, I have no desire to be centre stage in it.
But lots of people don't. The second a thought crosses their mind they are blogging about it or posting about it on a forum. There is always some sort of drama going on somewhere on Fetlife. (this isn't a kink phenomenon either, it happens on every discussion board everywhere no matter what the topic) People don't always take time to think "should I really post that? What will the consequences be?". The thing with the internet is it can be really hard to take things back. Sure a blog entry can be deleted or edited, but someone could have already saved it and quoted it somewhere else. (same as pictures). And some forums don't have the luxury of even editing let alone deleting something. Once it's out there, it's out there and you have lost a bit (or a lot) of control over it. This isn't always good, but in this day of texting, blogging, tweeting, etc etc....stepping back to smell the roses and think things through doesn't always happen. People say mean and nasty things online; things they wouldn't say to someone face-to-face. The whole anonymity of the internet and the speediness of it takes on a life of it's own. Almost every day you hear about someone getting fired, losing out on a job, getting kicked out of college (or not accepted into a program) because of their activities online. That's powerful stuff. You better be careful before you put stuff out there because it may just come back to bite you on the ass.
While I don't long for the days of hand writing letters (although that can be fun), I do think there are some negatives with the online world (and believe me, I for one am not giving up my internet). I do sort of resent that people think they have the right to instant access to you and that you are somehow obligated to provide them personal photos, videos, etc. just because they want it and try to manipulate you into giving it. I mean, you wouldn't want to be accused of being fake would you? The horror!
I feel thankful that I found some wonderful friends online. I definitely would never have found them without the internet. I'd probably never have gotten spanked either, but some of the stuff and attitudes that the internet brings along with it I could probably do without. C'est la vie I guess. You just gotta weigh the good against the bad. I think the good is still winning.
I'm still jealous of all my friends going to spanking parties without me though! At least I'll have a puppy. :)
Anyhow, that got me thinking about meeting people and the spanking world and all of that stuff. The internet is great and I have no doubt that without it I'd never have gotten spanked. Ever. At the same time there's an immediacy to it that starts to build up expectations in people. Between blogs, twitter, online forums, spanking video sites, spanking forums, chat programs (text, voice and video), and anything else in there I may have overlooked people start to get the expectation that they are OWED stuff. Just because the technology is there does not mean I am required to show any guy who asks private photos of me. I don't have to get on web cam. I don't have to even answer a message if I don't want to or think it doesn't merit a response. I don't owe anyone anything. So many think they are owed this and if you aren't willing to provide it, you must be a fake!
Granted there are plenty of people out there who love nothing more than to share their photos (intimate and otherwise), videos and every moment of their life online with everyone. I'm not saying that is wrong if someone chooses to do that. If they get genuine enjoyment out of it then more power to them. But not everyone is like that. I don't like having my picture taken. I never have. I agonize over posting a photo (vanilla) and will only do it on a closed site where someone googling isn't going to be able to just happen upon it. Fetlife is good because you have to be a member to see anything and you can now set privacy levels on your photos so you can limit a photo to be seen only by your friends and not the Fetlife populace at large. Thankfully my friends know that if I give them permission to post one picture that I've given the OK to, that it doesn't mean I've given them carte blanche to post any and all pictures they may have of me. Obviously I know they wouldn't be malicious about it, but I'm very fussy about my pictures and most I'd prefer not to see the light of day. I have a hard time at the SSC, but I think I've been pretty good at ignoring the camera and trying not to get too focused on it. I think in 3 years there have been 2 pictures of me I liked and a couple more I didn't like, but didn't have serious objection to someone else posting it. But they ask. For each picture they ask. I appreciate that.
Then you get the blogging phenomenon going on. I try to be careful here and not post negative stuff about people until long after the fact when no one even remembers I was involved with that person anymore (and even then I try to keep it vague and just to the principles and feelings involved. What is out of line to me, may be someone else's idea of perfect.) I'll tend to discuss my concerns with friend in private rather than air them publicly either on a blog or a forum. I think it avoids a lot of drama and while I might enjoy watching someone else's drama, I have no desire to be centre stage in it.
But lots of people don't. The second a thought crosses their mind they are blogging about it or posting about it on a forum. There is always some sort of drama going on somewhere on Fetlife. (this isn't a kink phenomenon either, it happens on every discussion board everywhere no matter what the topic) People don't always take time to think "should I really post that? What will the consequences be?". The thing with the internet is it can be really hard to take things back. Sure a blog entry can be deleted or edited, but someone could have already saved it and quoted it somewhere else. (same as pictures). And some forums don't have the luxury of even editing let alone deleting something. Once it's out there, it's out there and you have lost a bit (or a lot) of control over it. This isn't always good, but in this day of texting, blogging, tweeting, etc etc....stepping back to smell the roses and think things through doesn't always happen. People say mean and nasty things online; things they wouldn't say to someone face-to-face. The whole anonymity of the internet and the speediness of it takes on a life of it's own. Almost every day you hear about someone getting fired, losing out on a job, getting kicked out of college (or not accepted into a program) because of their activities online. That's powerful stuff. You better be careful before you put stuff out there because it may just come back to bite you on the ass.
While I don't long for the days of hand writing letters (although that can be fun), I do think there are some negatives with the online world (and believe me, I for one am not giving up my internet). I do sort of resent that people think they have the right to instant access to you and that you are somehow obligated to provide them personal photos, videos, etc. just because they want it and try to manipulate you into giving it. I mean, you wouldn't want to be accused of being fake would you? The horror!
I feel thankful that I found some wonderful friends online. I definitely would never have found them without the internet. I'd probably never have gotten spanked either, but some of the stuff and attitudes that the internet brings along with it I could probably do without. C'est la vie I guess. You just gotta weigh the good against the bad. I think the good is still winning.
I'm still jealous of all my friends going to spanking parties without me though! At least I'll have a puppy. :)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
What's New in Iggyland
Well, I haven't written a blog post in ages. There just really hasn't been much to say about spanking.
It doesn't look like I will be able to make a spanking trip in 2011. I just don't have the money. I don't think lots of people realize just how expensive it is for me to travel from here. Sometimes I get a little cranky when I hear someone complain about what, to me, seems like a really cheap airfare to get somewhere. Just to get to Vancouver and back from here costs me anywhere from $600 to $1000 and that's just an hour flight. I really wish I had more money just so I could do all the things I want to.
This year I'm sacrificing a spanking trip in order to get something else I've wanted for a very long time. Although even if I wasn't doing this I think I still wouldn't have been able to swing a trip, but maybe I could have barely got it done.
My apartment has had a pet free policy since I moved in 5 years ago. People who already had pets were grandfathered in and of course could keep their pets. Lately I've been noticing more and more people moving in with cats and dogs and so I decided to check out if the policy had been updated. It has and pets are now OK with office approval. This made me very excited. I've wanted a companion dog for a long time. I grew up with pets and I swear when I go home it's the pets I miss more than my parents. Shhhh...don't tell them that.
Anyhow, for years I've wanted a particular breed of dog. I can't have just any dog because of allergies and asthma and certain dogs I know are OK. Plus, I'm in a small apartment so I need a small dog or it just wouldn't be fair to the animal. So, what I want is a Havanese. They are super pretty, hypoallergenic with a great temperament (not being prone to over-yappiness and are just sweet and loving). My parents have had related breeds (Bichon Frise and Maltese) and so I know I get along fine with them allergy and asthma-wise and I have a fair idea of the grooming requirements. It'll be a good fit for me. Of course, they aren't cheap.
I'm alone a lot. Basically I go to work, come home. On my weekends I do my errands and housekeeping and stuff and then it's rinse and repeat. A dog will be good for me. It'll get me out and about keeping it exercised and socialized. It'll be a positive thing in my life. I'm beyond excited. Of course I have to come up with the money for the dog, supplies, initial stuff I'll need and vet expenses.
I've plunged ahead and contacted a reputable breeder (after doing tons of research) that lives fairly close to my parents. I've sent in my deposit and my puppy should be born sometime in February. The breeder picks the puppy for you based on temperament. This is a good thing because I'd never pick! I always love the one best I am holding at the moment. My parents are going to go and check things out and the progress of the puppies. Then in April I'll probably drive down there to get the puppy and spend a week with my family before heading back here. I'm not a driver. 5 minute drives are my norm. So a 14 hour plus drive is going to be a huge thing for me, but it'll be easier bringing the dog back that way (and cheaper because of the airfare cost since I'd have to buy a last minute ticket not knowing for sure when the puppy will be able to be sent home with me as it all depends on how well the puppies do. Driving makes it so I can be more open-ended about when I go). I'd definitely rather not drive, but it is what it is. Hopefully my driving nerves don't traumatize the puppy!
So, that's what is going on with me right now. I'm still bummed about the spanking parties I'm missing. Every time I see people signing up on Fetlife to announce their intention to go to the Boardwalk Badness Weekend, the SSC, the FMS Tropical Beach Party or other spanking events I do get depressed and totally wish that I could go too. It sucks.
I am really excited about getting a dog though. I dream about it almost every night.
It doesn't look like I will be able to make a spanking trip in 2011. I just don't have the money. I don't think lots of people realize just how expensive it is for me to travel from here. Sometimes I get a little cranky when I hear someone complain about what, to me, seems like a really cheap airfare to get somewhere. Just to get to Vancouver and back from here costs me anywhere from $600 to $1000 and that's just an hour flight. I really wish I had more money just so I could do all the things I want to.
This year I'm sacrificing a spanking trip in order to get something else I've wanted for a very long time. Although even if I wasn't doing this I think I still wouldn't have been able to swing a trip, but maybe I could have barely got it done.
My apartment has had a pet free policy since I moved in 5 years ago. People who already had pets were grandfathered in and of course could keep their pets. Lately I've been noticing more and more people moving in with cats and dogs and so I decided to check out if the policy had been updated. It has and pets are now OK with office approval. This made me very excited. I've wanted a companion dog for a long time. I grew up with pets and I swear when I go home it's the pets I miss more than my parents. Shhhh...don't tell them that.
Anyhow, for years I've wanted a particular breed of dog. I can't have just any dog because of allergies and asthma and certain dogs I know are OK. Plus, I'm in a small apartment so I need a small dog or it just wouldn't be fair to the animal. So, what I want is a Havanese. They are super pretty, hypoallergenic with a great temperament (not being prone to over-yappiness and are just sweet and loving). My parents have had related breeds (Bichon Frise and Maltese) and so I know I get along fine with them allergy and asthma-wise and I have a fair idea of the grooming requirements. It'll be a good fit for me. Of course, they aren't cheap.
I'm alone a lot. Basically I go to work, come home. On my weekends I do my errands and housekeeping and stuff and then it's rinse and repeat. A dog will be good for me. It'll get me out and about keeping it exercised and socialized. It'll be a positive thing in my life. I'm beyond excited. Of course I have to come up with the money for the dog, supplies, initial stuff I'll need and vet expenses.
I've plunged ahead and contacted a reputable breeder (after doing tons of research) that lives fairly close to my parents. I've sent in my deposit and my puppy should be born sometime in February. The breeder picks the puppy for you based on temperament. This is a good thing because I'd never pick! I always love the one best I am holding at the moment. My parents are going to go and check things out and the progress of the puppies. Then in April I'll probably drive down there to get the puppy and spend a week with my family before heading back here. I'm not a driver. 5 minute drives are my norm. So a 14 hour plus drive is going to be a huge thing for me, but it'll be easier bringing the dog back that way (and cheaper because of the airfare cost since I'd have to buy a last minute ticket not knowing for sure when the puppy will be able to be sent home with me as it all depends on how well the puppies do. Driving makes it so I can be more open-ended about when I go). I'd definitely rather not drive, but it is what it is. Hopefully my driving nerves don't traumatize the puppy!
So, that's what is going on with me right now. I'm still bummed about the spanking parties I'm missing. Every time I see people signing up on Fetlife to announce their intention to go to the Boardwalk Badness Weekend, the SSC, the FMS Tropical Beach Party or other spanking events I do get depressed and totally wish that I could go too. It sucks.
I am really excited about getting a dog though. I dream about it almost every night.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Bunannagate
Over on Fetlife there is a drama unfolding. Honestly, it's like watching a car wreck and I can't help but keep watching it unfold. Plus, it's hilarious. Also, it's always nice to be proven right about something. I love being right!
Basically you have someone who has created two (who knows, maybe there are more) profiles and was actively using both profiles. Seriously, this stuff takes time. The profiles were complete and both were active posters on boards and walls, making friends, etc. Where it gets dicey (beyond just being dishonest) is because the male profile was using the female profile to validate himself and make him seem safe to other women since the female profile was constantly singing the male profile's praises.
Of course, as these things go, mistakes got made and the truth came out. Now the train wreck part begins as the male profile goes on a rampage slinging mud at everyone he encounters. No more Mr. Nice Guy now we have psycho-guy. I can't imagine he's doing himself any favours at this point with people in the spanking community.
Thankfully, I don't think that most people have the time or inclination to devote that much energy to maintaining an online fiction, but it happens. Years ago on a non-kink board there was a long-time member (2 plus years) who faked her own murder. This person was well liked and an active member for a number of years, but when a stranger came on her profile posting that she and her husband had been murdered, things seemed off (like why on earth would a stranger know her password and why would telling this board be top priority). People investigated and sure enough, the whole thing was a hoax. Why after two-plus years someone would do that, I have no clue. So, I know this stuff happens and it makes me wary about meeting people.
I sure am glad that the people I have met have turned out to be the best people on earth. I really lucked out in hooking up with a great group of people. I like them both in the vanilla and spanko sense and just really enjoy it when I manage to be able to hang out with them.
Today I am really appreciating my real life spanko friends.
Three cheers to my spanko friends. Love ya!
Basically you have someone who has created two (who knows, maybe there are more) profiles and was actively using both profiles. Seriously, this stuff takes time. The profiles were complete and both were active posters on boards and walls, making friends, etc. Where it gets dicey (beyond just being dishonest) is because the male profile was using the female profile to validate himself and make him seem safe to other women since the female profile was constantly singing the male profile's praises.
Of course, as these things go, mistakes got made and the truth came out. Now the train wreck part begins as the male profile goes on a rampage slinging mud at everyone he encounters. No more Mr. Nice Guy now we have psycho-guy. I can't imagine he's doing himself any favours at this point with people in the spanking community.
Thankfully, I don't think that most people have the time or inclination to devote that much energy to maintaining an online fiction, but it happens. Years ago on a non-kink board there was a long-time member (2 plus years) who faked her own murder. This person was well liked and an active member for a number of years, but when a stranger came on her profile posting that she and her husband had been murdered, things seemed off (like why on earth would a stranger know her password and why would telling this board be top priority). People investigated and sure enough, the whole thing was a hoax. Why after two-plus years someone would do that, I have no clue. So, I know this stuff happens and it makes me wary about meeting people.
I sure am glad that the people I have met have turned out to be the best people on earth. I really lucked out in hooking up with a great group of people. I like them both in the vanilla and spanko sense and just really enjoy it when I manage to be able to hang out with them.
Today I am really appreciating my real life spanko friends.
Three cheers to my spanko friends. Love ya!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Still in Savannah
Just relaxing for a bit before I head out for the day. I'm sightseeing and exploring a bit of Savannah on my own before heading back home.
I've had a thoroughly enjoyable time as I always do with this particular group of people. We get together and it's like no time has passed at all and everyone picks up like they were just together last week. I really enjoy that comfortable feeling among friends and it is just so much fun to hang out, chat, joke around and occasionally get spanked too.
I didn't play particularly hard (even by iggy standards) this weekend or even get to play with everyone I wanted to. It seems that before you know it the weekend is over and not everything you wanted to do has happened. I was in a more of a mellow head-space and the light playful and relaxing spankings really fit the bill. I made it through the weekend pretty much bruise free other than tiny ones at the top of my thighs from a couple of stray whacks there - and, of course, my regular just walking around and "where did that come from?" day-to-day bruises.
Today I'm going to explore the historic district on my own, take photos, and wander. My hotel is right in the historic district so I'm fairly close to everything and can just wander around, head back to my room to freshen up, wander some more, etc. I have tickets to see the ships museum and the girl guide founder's house and tonight I'm doing a ghost tour. It should be fun.
I do miss everyone though. Party drop on your own in a strange city can be rough. I'm trying to distract myself though and last night I got a good night's sleep which I really, really, REALLY needed as sleep has been scarce!
I've had a thoroughly enjoyable time as I always do with this particular group of people. We get together and it's like no time has passed at all and everyone picks up like they were just together last week. I really enjoy that comfortable feeling among friends and it is just so much fun to hang out, chat, joke around and occasionally get spanked too.
I didn't play particularly hard (even by iggy standards) this weekend or even get to play with everyone I wanted to. It seems that before you know it the weekend is over and not everything you wanted to do has happened. I was in a more of a mellow head-space and the light playful and relaxing spankings really fit the bill. I made it through the weekend pretty much bruise free other than tiny ones at the top of my thighs from a couple of stray whacks there - and, of course, my regular just walking around and "where did that come from?" day-to-day bruises.
Today I'm going to explore the historic district on my own, take photos, and wander. My hotel is right in the historic district so I'm fairly close to everything and can just wander around, head back to my room to freshen up, wander some more, etc. I have tickets to see the ships museum and the girl guide founder's house and tonight I'm doing a ghost tour. It should be fun.
I do miss everyone though. Party drop on your own in a strange city can be rough. I'm trying to distract myself though and last night I got a good night's sleep which I really, really, REALLY needed as sleep has been scarce!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Now on to the SSC
I know, I finally just finished writing about Shadowlane and now I'm off to the SSC (Southern Spanking Conference). This year it's in Savannah so if I happen to get spanked, I'll be adding another state to my repertoire.
This party holds a special place in my heart. It was the very first spanking exposure I ever had and where I got my very first spanking. The people who go are awesome and dear friends and it is always a whole ton of fun. I'm looking forward to it.
What I don't look forward to is the trip down. My trek down begins after a full day at work. I have time to come home, scarf down something to eat, shower, drag my stuff out to my car and then off to the airport where I get to start my trek down. This is going to involve 4 flights and I won't get there til 2PM the next day. I'm getting there a day early just because the trip is going to be so gruelling I'll need the time to SLEEP! I never seem to manage to sleep at all when travelling. This year I'm really hoping I manage to sleep on the longest flight, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm sure I'm going to have a blast. Yesterday I really started to get excited about the trip. Up until then I was a little worried because the usual excitement wasn't there. I'm sure that's in part because I just got back from Shadowlane and also just because I truly am dreading the travel part. So, I was relieved that the excitement is indeed hitting.
I think I'm gonna have a blast!
This party holds a special place in my heart. It was the very first spanking exposure I ever had and where I got my very first spanking. The people who go are awesome and dear friends and it is always a whole ton of fun. I'm looking forward to it.
What I don't look forward to is the trip down. My trek down begins after a full day at work. I have time to come home, scarf down something to eat, shower, drag my stuff out to my car and then off to the airport where I get to start my trek down. This is going to involve 4 flights and I won't get there til 2PM the next day. I'm getting there a day early just because the trip is going to be so gruelling I'll need the time to SLEEP! I never seem to manage to sleep at all when travelling. This year I'm really hoping I manage to sleep on the longest flight, but I'm not holding my breath.
I'm sure I'm going to have a blast. Yesterday I really started to get excited about the trip. Up until then I was a little worried because the usual excitement wasn't there. I'm sure that's in part because I just got back from Shadowlane and also just because I truly am dreading the travel part. So, I was relieved that the excitement is indeed hitting.
I think I'm gonna have a blast!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Final Shadowlane Thoughts
I went into the Shadowlane party with some strong pre-conceived perceptions of how it was going to be based on stuff I had heard:
What I actually found:
I had a great time and I'm glad I went.
The aftermath:
- I was expecting this huge division between people and that there would be people I'd never even see as they were off at uber-secret parties that required code words and psychic super powers to know about.
- I was expecting snotty attitudes and people to look down their noses at me.
- I was expecting people in fancy fancy clothes and being all fru-fru and elitist.
- I was expecting total naked spanking debauchery.
What I actually found:
- Really nice, friendly, and welcoming people.
- No pressure to do anything I didn't want to do.
- No elitist or snobby attitudes.
- More people knew of me than I'd have ever believed possible
- Everyone mingling with everyone else -- I did not notice anyone who thought they were better than anyone else.
- People actually wanting to spank me.
- People almost always had long conversations before even broaching the topic of spanking. I enjoy feeling like a person first and so I really appreciated this. First and foremost it's nice to make friends.
- Nice normal people getting spanked or doing the spanking. It wasn't some sort of naked free-for- all-spank-orgy.
I had a great time and I'm glad I went.
The aftermath:
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 6
I got up Monday and headed to the casino. It was a good base to run into people and say goodbye as people left. :( Goodbyes suck and it's sad to see everyone leaving. I wasn't leaving until Tuesday because it was just a lot cheaper for me to leave Tuesday than Monday. So I hung around, chatted with people as they left and gambled a little bit too.
Sarahfl and Tony were going to see a show and so they were off. I bumped into JerseyJohn and was glad because I did want to make sure he knew I wasn't snubbing him the day before. I'm glad I did get the chance to tell him because he wasn't sure if he had done something to offend me or not. So we had a nice chat and I felt better for it.
I found JP and JSpank and hung around with them in the casino for a while. We were supposed to go for lunch later and JSpank was gonna spank me (yippee!) sometime later before he left to go home on a late flight. We had a nice lunch, which was really breakfast as we all ordered the cheap 24 hour breakfast they had on the menu and chatted. It was good company and a good time was had.
Everyone wandered off in their own directions for a bit. JSpank was gonna come to my room later. I hung around for a while and then went back to my room and chatted with munchkin online for a while until J showed up. Then I unceremoniously dumped her. Thankfully spankees understand these things.
Of course, the second he showed up I got all nervous. Thankfully he didn't draw things out before getting down to business. We settled into position and spanking began and some chatting. He had brought a couple of implements with him and I had a couple of my own as well that he could use. I was in a way more mellow frame of mind/mood than when we had the first spanking at the beginning of the weekend. He checked in to see if I was all right because I was too quiet! I was good though, just in more of a "concentrate on what's going on" head-space than a giggly/cheeky one. I squirmed and kicked my leg a bit until I got warmed up and then I think I was pretty still for the most part just concentrating.
It's funny how at first, before you are warmed up, things are just stingy and I start to think "I don't think I'll be able to take this for very long" and then you get warmed up and things just start to feel really nice. He had this awesome leather paddle that I really liked. It had the exact right combo of sting versus thud and was just lovely. The problem with my implements is that they aren't broken in so they are too stiff. I still like them, but more broken-in implements are definitely nicer.
This was definitely my longest scene of the weekend and I went into it with my bottom already bruised. It was also one of only two spankings that went down to bare bottom since I'm not a bare bottom in public sort of girl. One thought occurred to me afterward. In theory I am all for the spanker pulling down the panties, but what I found in real life is I'm okay with him doing it if he's behind me, but if I can see him then I have a tendency to quickly do it myself and get back over the lap fast to get past that awkward moment.
The spanking went on for a while with lots of hand and that nice paddle I liked and then he was going to end up the darn counting thing again (I forget with which implement though). Seriously, what's up with the counting. Some sort of snarky retort came out of my mouth and when asked to repeat it I mumbled, "nothing" and the last 20 were administered. He got his hug since I felt badly about his counting disabilty. ;) We chatted for a bit and then off he went.
I rubbed my bottom and with a big grin on my face went to resume my conversation online with munchkin.
This was my last spanking of the party. My butt was more than played out and it had the bruises to prove it. I went back to the casino; gambled for a while, caught J on his way out and got to say goodbye, finally caved in and went and got the soft serve frozen yogurt at the ice cream shop (which was mega yummy), gambled a bit more, then went and had a quiet dinner at TGI Fridays. I had planned on going to a suite parties that evening if there was one, but in the end elected not to. So I packed my stuff all up and got ready to leave the next day. I went online for a while until my internet day ran out and then decided I'd just go to bed since I had a really long trip home the next day.
The next day I was up early again. Hung around the casino for a while chatting with people and making a last ditch effort to win a fortune (hah, I didn't play anything where I could win or lose big) and then went to get my shuttle at 10. My flight wasn't until 2, but the 12:00 shuttle would have gotten to the airport a bit too late for comfort. I got pulled aside at the airport for extra screening (which hasn't happened to me in a while), but it was just a quick purse swap and then I was free to go, so no big deal. I had 3 flight on the way back: Las Vegas to Vancouver (where you have to do the whole customs thingy and drag your luggage all over the place), then to Edmonton and then to my final airport. After that I still had a 2 1/2 hour drive back. It was dark and foggy and SCARY! I'm a phobic driver as it is so I had my steering wheel in a death grip while I tried to convince myself that every second forward made me closer to getting home. Anyhow, it was after midnight by the time I walked in the door. I settled in for a bit, unpacked a few things (discovered they had searched my dirty laundry bag) and finally headed to bed. I had to get up early the next morning for work. Ugh. Believe me, I was exhausted at work the next day!
I wouldn't have changed anything though. I had a great time! Sure it wasn't all highs, but realistically you can't expect it to be. I had more fun and more action than I thought I would so I was pleasantly surprised by the whole Shadowlane experience. I'd do it again in a heartbeat!
Sarahfl and Tony were going to see a show and so they were off. I bumped into JerseyJohn and was glad because I did want to make sure he knew I wasn't snubbing him the day before. I'm glad I did get the chance to tell him because he wasn't sure if he had done something to offend me or not. So we had a nice chat and I felt better for it.
I found JP and JSpank and hung around with them in the casino for a while. We were supposed to go for lunch later and JSpank was gonna spank me (yippee!) sometime later before he left to go home on a late flight. We had a nice lunch, which was really breakfast as we all ordered the cheap 24 hour breakfast they had on the menu and chatted. It was good company and a good time was had.
Everyone wandered off in their own directions for a bit. JSpank was gonna come to my room later. I hung around for a while and then went back to my room and chatted with munchkin online for a while until J showed up. Then I unceremoniously dumped her. Thankfully spankees understand these things.
Of course, the second he showed up I got all nervous. Thankfully he didn't draw things out before getting down to business. We settled into position and spanking began and some chatting. He had brought a couple of implements with him and I had a couple of my own as well that he could use. I was in a way more mellow frame of mind/mood than when we had the first spanking at the beginning of the weekend. He checked in to see if I was all right because I was too quiet! I was good though, just in more of a "concentrate on what's going on" head-space than a giggly/cheeky one. I squirmed and kicked my leg a bit until I got warmed up and then I think I was pretty still for the most part just concentrating.
It's funny how at first, before you are warmed up, things are just stingy and I start to think "I don't think I'll be able to take this for very long" and then you get warmed up and things just start to feel really nice. He had this awesome leather paddle that I really liked. It had the exact right combo of sting versus thud and was just lovely. The problem with my implements is that they aren't broken in so they are too stiff. I still like them, but more broken-in implements are definitely nicer.
This was definitely my longest scene of the weekend and I went into it with my bottom already bruised. It was also one of only two spankings that went down to bare bottom since I'm not a bare bottom in public sort of girl. One thought occurred to me afterward. In theory I am all for the spanker pulling down the panties, but what I found in real life is I'm okay with him doing it if he's behind me, but if I can see him then I have a tendency to quickly do it myself and get back over the lap fast to get past that awkward moment.
The spanking went on for a while with lots of hand and that nice paddle I liked and then he was going to end up the darn counting thing again (I forget with which implement though). Seriously, what's up with the counting. Some sort of snarky retort came out of my mouth and when asked to repeat it I mumbled, "nothing" and the last 20 were administered. He got his hug since I felt badly about his counting disabilty. ;) We chatted for a bit and then off he went.
I rubbed my bottom and with a big grin on my face went to resume my conversation online with munchkin.
This was my last spanking of the party. My butt was more than played out and it had the bruises to prove it. I went back to the casino; gambled for a while, caught J on his way out and got to say goodbye, finally caved in and went and got the soft serve frozen yogurt at the ice cream shop (which was mega yummy), gambled a bit more, then went and had a quiet dinner at TGI Fridays. I had planned on going to a suite parties that evening if there was one, but in the end elected not to. So I packed my stuff all up and got ready to leave the next day. I went online for a while until my internet day ran out and then decided I'd just go to bed since I had a really long trip home the next day.
The next day I was up early again. Hung around the casino for a while chatting with people and making a last ditch effort to win a fortune (hah, I didn't play anything where I could win or lose big) and then went to get my shuttle at 10. My flight wasn't until 2, but the 12:00 shuttle would have gotten to the airport a bit too late for comfort. I got pulled aside at the airport for extra screening (which hasn't happened to me in a while), but it was just a quick purse swap and then I was free to go, so no big deal. I had 3 flight on the way back: Las Vegas to Vancouver (where you have to do the whole customs thingy and drag your luggage all over the place), then to Edmonton and then to my final airport. After that I still had a 2 1/2 hour drive back. It was dark and foggy and SCARY! I'm a phobic driver as it is so I had my steering wheel in a death grip while I tried to convince myself that every second forward made me closer to getting home. Anyhow, it was after midnight by the time I walked in the door. I settled in for a bit, unpacked a few things (discovered they had searched my dirty laundry bag) and finally headed to bed. I had to get up early the next morning for work. Ugh. Believe me, I was exhausted at work the next day!
I wouldn't have changed anything though. I had a great time! Sure it wasn't all highs, but realistically you can't expect it to be. I had more fun and more action than I thought I would so I was pleasantly surprised by the whole Shadowlane experience. I'd do it again in a heartbeat!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 5
I got up after only a few hours of sleep. My head was pounding. The room only had coffee and no tea so I headed down to the casino in search of some. I headed over to Seattle Best's coffee shop for chai tea latte. Yum! I got my tea and saw Rad sitting at one of the tables. I had chatted with him over coffee/tea the day before as well (while the naughty boy party was going on). Rad is a really interesting fellow to talk to so I was pleased to see him there again. We chatted for a while about all sorts of subjects and then headed in separate directions.
I went to gamble for a while. I'm not a huge gambler so you won't find me at the tables. I like the machines that I can play on for a while with a minimum expenditure of cash and lots of bonus games and sparkly lights. I figure if I can get an hour or two (or more) out of $20 then I've gotten my entertainment value out of it. Eventually I bumped into some more Shadowlane people and chatted. My head was still pounding - probably a combination of lots of excitement, lack of sleep, dehydration, and not eating regularly. I swear at these things I'm just usually not all that hungry. On the subject of dehydration I'll note that Las Vegas is really dry. I kept losing my voice. While I WAS drinking some water and a little bit of Diet Mountain Dew, I wasn't drinking nearly enough. I kept losing my voice from it being so dry which was really weird and annoying. Part of why I wasn't drinking a lot was just because it was spanking party and who wants to have to pee every 30 seconds, especially when you periodically have a nice gentleman's legs putting pressure on your bladder area. Definitely I should have been drinking more though. I decided to go find a sandwich.
After I got my sandwich, which was really bland (ick), I saw another gentleman ordering who I recognized from one of the suite parties but have never talked to. He has a bit of a physical handicap and I was wondering if he'd be able to manage with his tray all right. I was debating offering assistance, but was worried it would be considered presumptuous and so didn't. So, then I felt really badly when he had trouble with the tray and some stuff fell. Another gentleman got there to help before I could. I felt sad I hadn't initially offered, though. I was a bit annoyed with the staff as well as I think THEY should have offered to carry his tray to a table. I just hope he wasn't embarrassed by it. Okay, so I'm tenderhearted. Spank me!
I decided to take the other half of my sandwich up to my room and put it in the fridge. I had no idea what I was going to do that night or where any parties were going to be or who was still there. I was having nightmare visions of ending up in some unsuspecting vanilla's room in error or going to a party to be told "you were only welcome while your friend is here, now you're not, get out!" Of course I know this is irrational thinking, but it creeps in anyhow. It'd have been easy for me to just hide in my room, but instead I headed to Dave's CP Court which is always entertaining. The last one I saw in Florida, the bottoms mostly won which sort of ends up sucking from an entertainment standpoint. This time there were a lot of bottoms winning their cases too (mainly because of completely horrible representation by the Tops.) They should be ashamed! Cases that should have been slam-dunk wins with only minimal effort were lost. The spanking ended up being all F/F or F/M, oh well, a bit of a let down to me who totally prefers M/F. It was fun watching anyhow.
Everyone wandered away after that. I headed back down to the casino and gambled some more and just wandered around occasionally chatting with people and eventually headed back to my room to change and shower and stuff for the evening. I was going to have my other 1/2 of my sandwich but ended up not eating it. I headed back downstairs and wandered around some more. Eventually I ran into JSpanks and JP and hung out with them for a while. They offered to escort me up to one of the parties cuz I was feeling too chicken to go on my own. I know, pathetic. Everyone was headed out for dinner though so not much was going on. So we hung out for a while and hit the party later. I walked in to see Sophie getting caned by 3 people taking turns (Danny Chrighton, Headmaster Tony and another guy). Eeek. Well better her bum than mine. I admit it, I'm still scared of canes. I wasn't sure if I'd be playing or not. My butt hurt and was bruised and I was sort of worried about making it worse. I turned down a few offers and made arrangements to play again on Monday with JSpanks.
I chatted with Erica and she was in fine form. Sophie urged her to flick Danny with water and so she did. I've never seen someone pulled off a chair so fast! Over the couch she went and soon the skirt was gone as well. Eventually Danny started using a cane on her that broke with every strike. Five times the cane broke. The pieces of the cane were flying everywhere! Frankly, I was afraid for my life! Ha ha. The moment the cane broke the first time you could totally see the glee in Erica as she did the "Yes!" hand-pump and she got even more gleeful with each subsequent break of the cane. It was quite a sight to see. Again, better her butt than mine. I've read about these type of stories on her blog, but to see one of these things happen was quite the thing! Soon she was gathering the pieces of the cane and snapping photos so she could post them.
I wandered over to the kitchen area to find something to drink and got to chatting with two fellows, one a fellow Canadian albeit from the wrong coast. After chatting for a while one of the guys, D (the non-Canadian), asked me to play. He seemed nice enough, so what the heck, I decided to. I did warn him I was all bruised though. There weren't any spots available in the suite for spanking (and no way was I doing it in the main room) so we headed to his room. He's more of a role player whereas I feel totally stupid trying to act so I was just my naturally charming sweet self. Somehow he got the idea that *I* was cheeky. Tops get the strangest notions sometime. I blamed the bad influence of D and S and honestly, because he's met them he couldn't argue that!
At one point, when I was helpfully letting him know that it HURT, he got up to get his copy of Cassandra Parks' book "It's SUPPOSED to hurt!" which he shoved in my face. Ha ha. Very funny. Don't think I won't forget that! As we neared the end he got the stupid toppy notion of counting the last swats. It makes me wonder how many Tops have trouble counting that they are constantly needing lessons. I may have grumbled a few polite things about the idea of counting. Lucky for me, he may have been hard of hearing and bought what I told him when he asked me to repeat what I had said!
After the spanking was over he had the nerve to whine about his sore red hand. Hello? I have bruised butt. Not much sympathy going to happen on this side of the fence! So, I gleefully brought up the book again, "'It's SUPPOSED to hurt!'," YOU made a big point of pointing that out! So suck it up buttercup!". I got to admit, I felt pretty gleeful. His hand WAS red too. So I grinned and sassed all the way back up to the party. It was a lot of fun.
I didn't play any more that night, just chatted. Once the one party died down I headed to another one with moonchild who I had talked with quite a bit at various parties throughout the weekend. She's super nice and delightful lady and she wasn't ready to head to bed yet either. So we wandered over to one of the other parties. At that moment it was almost all guys watching just a few girls play spanking blackjack. I'm not much of a games girl and it was a bit too gawky for my tastes. Everyone was nice to me though. People immediately introduced themselves and I got asked to play and asked if I wanted to participate in the blackjack. Definitely not for me, but I'm sure all who were playing were having fun.
Feeling tired and restless, but still not really wanting to go to bed, we headed back down to the casino. At the bar were a bunch of Shadowlane people so we joined up with them. I was really starting to get tired and when I'm tired I'm less tolerant of people I find irritating. So, when one fellow came up and started talking with moonchild and JerseyJohn I sort of turned my back on them and bit my tongue every time I heard the guy saying something stupid and refrained from making comments. It was hard because he had really gotten on my nerves. People were trying to make him understand the real world and how to interact with people in a nice way, but of course he knew better. *rolls eyes* Later on I started to worry that JerseyJohn might have thought I was turning my back on him. I hoped I would see him again so I could set the record straight as he's a very sweet man and I didn't want him thinking I was snubbing him for some reason.
Finally a wave of tiredness rolled over me. I knew it wouldn't last long and I needed to get to bed while it was hitting me or I'd be wide awake again soon. I headed off to bed and managed to get a couple of hours of sleep.
I went to gamble for a while. I'm not a huge gambler so you won't find me at the tables. I like the machines that I can play on for a while with a minimum expenditure of cash and lots of bonus games and sparkly lights. I figure if I can get an hour or two (or more) out of $20 then I've gotten my entertainment value out of it. Eventually I bumped into some more Shadowlane people and chatted. My head was still pounding - probably a combination of lots of excitement, lack of sleep, dehydration, and not eating regularly. I swear at these things I'm just usually not all that hungry. On the subject of dehydration I'll note that Las Vegas is really dry. I kept losing my voice. While I WAS drinking some water and a little bit of Diet Mountain Dew, I wasn't drinking nearly enough. I kept losing my voice from it being so dry which was really weird and annoying. Part of why I wasn't drinking a lot was just because it was spanking party and who wants to have to pee every 30 seconds, especially when you periodically have a nice gentleman's legs putting pressure on your bladder area. Definitely I should have been drinking more though. I decided to go find a sandwich.
After I got my sandwich, which was really bland (ick), I saw another gentleman ordering who I recognized from one of the suite parties but have never talked to. He has a bit of a physical handicap and I was wondering if he'd be able to manage with his tray all right. I was debating offering assistance, but was worried it would be considered presumptuous and so didn't. So, then I felt really badly when he had trouble with the tray and some stuff fell. Another gentleman got there to help before I could. I felt sad I hadn't initially offered, though. I was a bit annoyed with the staff as well as I think THEY should have offered to carry his tray to a table. I just hope he wasn't embarrassed by it. Okay, so I'm tenderhearted. Spank me!
I decided to take the other half of my sandwich up to my room and put it in the fridge. I had no idea what I was going to do that night or where any parties were going to be or who was still there. I was having nightmare visions of ending up in some unsuspecting vanilla's room in error or going to a party to be told "you were only welcome while your friend is here, now you're not, get out!" Of course I know this is irrational thinking, but it creeps in anyhow. It'd have been easy for me to just hide in my room, but instead I headed to Dave's CP Court which is always entertaining. The last one I saw in Florida, the bottoms mostly won which sort of ends up sucking from an entertainment standpoint. This time there were a lot of bottoms winning their cases too (mainly because of completely horrible representation by the Tops.) They should be ashamed! Cases that should have been slam-dunk wins with only minimal effort were lost. The spanking ended up being all F/F or F/M, oh well, a bit of a let down to me who totally prefers M/F. It was fun watching anyhow.
Everyone wandered away after that. I headed back down to the casino and gambled some more and just wandered around occasionally chatting with people and eventually headed back to my room to change and shower and stuff for the evening. I was going to have my other 1/2 of my sandwich but ended up not eating it. I headed back downstairs and wandered around some more. Eventually I ran into JSpanks and JP and hung out with them for a while. They offered to escort me up to one of the parties cuz I was feeling too chicken to go on my own. I know, pathetic. Everyone was headed out for dinner though so not much was going on. So we hung out for a while and hit the party later. I walked in to see Sophie getting caned by 3 people taking turns (Danny Chrighton, Headmaster Tony and another guy). Eeek. Well better her bum than mine. I admit it, I'm still scared of canes. I wasn't sure if I'd be playing or not. My butt hurt and was bruised and I was sort of worried about making it worse. I turned down a few offers and made arrangements to play again on Monday with JSpanks.
I chatted with Erica and she was in fine form. Sophie urged her to flick Danny with water and so she did. I've never seen someone pulled off a chair so fast! Over the couch she went and soon the skirt was gone as well. Eventually Danny started using a cane on her that broke with every strike. Five times the cane broke. The pieces of the cane were flying everywhere! Frankly, I was afraid for my life! Ha ha. The moment the cane broke the first time you could totally see the glee in Erica as she did the "Yes!" hand-pump and she got even more gleeful with each subsequent break of the cane. It was quite a sight to see. Again, better her butt than mine. I've read about these type of stories on her blog, but to see one of these things happen was quite the thing! Soon she was gathering the pieces of the cane and snapping photos so she could post them.
I wandered over to the kitchen area to find something to drink and got to chatting with two fellows, one a fellow Canadian albeit from the wrong coast. After chatting for a while one of the guys, D (the non-Canadian), asked me to play. He seemed nice enough, so what the heck, I decided to. I did warn him I was all bruised though. There weren't any spots available in the suite for spanking (and no way was I doing it in the main room) so we headed to his room. He's more of a role player whereas I feel totally stupid trying to act so I was just my naturally charming sweet self. Somehow he got the idea that *I* was cheeky. Tops get the strangest notions sometime. I blamed the bad influence of D and S and honestly, because he's met them he couldn't argue that!
At one point, when I was helpfully letting him know that it HURT, he got up to get his copy of Cassandra Parks' book "It's SUPPOSED to hurt!" which he shoved in my face. Ha ha. Very funny. Don't think I won't forget that! As we neared the end he got the stupid toppy notion of counting the last swats. It makes me wonder how many Tops have trouble counting that they are constantly needing lessons. I may have grumbled a few polite things about the idea of counting. Lucky for me, he may have been hard of hearing and bought what I told him when he asked me to repeat what I had said!
After the spanking was over he had the nerve to whine about his sore red hand. Hello? I have bruised butt. Not much sympathy going to happen on this side of the fence! So, I gleefully brought up the book again, "'It's SUPPOSED to hurt!'," YOU made a big point of pointing that out! So suck it up buttercup!". I got to admit, I felt pretty gleeful. His hand WAS red too. So I grinned and sassed all the way back up to the party. It was a lot of fun.
I didn't play any more that night, just chatted. Once the one party died down I headed to another one with moonchild who I had talked with quite a bit at various parties throughout the weekend. She's super nice and delightful lady and she wasn't ready to head to bed yet either. So we wandered over to one of the other parties. At that moment it was almost all guys watching just a few girls play spanking blackjack. I'm not much of a games girl and it was a bit too gawky for my tastes. Everyone was nice to me though. People immediately introduced themselves and I got asked to play and asked if I wanted to participate in the blackjack. Definitely not for me, but I'm sure all who were playing were having fun.
Feeling tired and restless, but still not really wanting to go to bed, we headed back down to the casino. At the bar were a bunch of Shadowlane people so we joined up with them. I was really starting to get tired and when I'm tired I'm less tolerant of people I find irritating. So, when one fellow came up and started talking with moonchild and JerseyJohn I sort of turned my back on them and bit my tongue every time I heard the guy saying something stupid and refrained from making comments. It was hard because he had really gotten on my nerves. People were trying to make him understand the real world and how to interact with people in a nice way, but of course he knew better. *rolls eyes* Later on I started to worry that JerseyJohn might have thought I was turning my back on him. I hoped I would see him again so I could set the record straight as he's a very sweet man and I didn't want him thinking I was snubbing him for some reason.
Finally a wave of tiredness rolled over me. I knew it wouldn't last long and I needed to get to bed while it was hitting me or I'd be wide awake again soon. I headed off to bed and managed to get a couple of hours of sleep.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 4
Once again I found myself up after only a couple of hours of sleep and wandering the casino. Sarahfl was already at her spot at the bar playing video poker and shaking her assets at the bartender to get better service. She's a hoot, that one and very fun to be around. There's never a need to toss her under the bus, because she gladly throws herself under it.
I hung out down there for a while chatting with everyone who came by. Soon it was time to head up for the afternoon SSNY party. They were going to be showing some educational/funny videos and I was looking forward to seeing them.
When we got there the videos were already about halfway over, but that's okay they showed them all again later. Let me tell you, these are a scream, so well done and incredibly funny. Everyone really enjoyed them.
I came dressed really casually. For some reason it never occurred to me that there might be spanking going on at this party. I ended up wishing I had worn cuter panties. There wasn't anything wrong with the ones I was wearing, but if I'd been thinking more clearly I'd have put on prettier ones. No one ran away in horror, anyhow which is always a plus.
Scary Top swooped in out of nowhere and asked me to play. Surprisingly enough I agreed with no fuss or trepidation. Go figure. We had a nice fun scene. I probably laughed at him the whole time, but I can't remember for sure. I know he did end on this double slam on my butt with both hands. That took me by surprise. Anyhow, it was a very fun scene. Of course I couldn't wait to tell Erica I had played with Scary Top. I knew she'd be proud!
Soon after, the mysterious guy living somewhere in Europe (who may or may not be a spy) that we picked up in the restaurant the day before wandered by and asked me to play. So, off we went. Somehow he had picked up the English propensity for using shoes for spanking, obviously not realizing that shoes are for feet. Let me tell you, what he called a slipper was a running shoe/gym shoe with a rubber sole! I surprised myself by not being rude and immediately saying "NO" to such a thing and agreed to look at it. Then sanity returned and I said, "no, thank you". Instead I got a nice hand spanking. I think his thing is more the traditional type of school discipline, but he gave a nice hand-spanking. Hopefully he wasn't too bored.
Off to socialize some more. Mike Tanner's family strap made an appearance. This strap is sort of famous for it's nastiness. Kat was brave enough to take 5. Hours later she was still welted. Owie. I also got to see Erica take 5 with it. Erica has an iron butt and even she was pounding her fist on the bed. As if I didn't already know that this strap wasn't for me, seeing that made sure some odd compulsion to say "OK" didn't kick in. When I was asked I politely declined and offered Suzy's butt to take them the next time he saw her. I should probably tell her! I got labeled a wimp, but I'm comfortable in my wimpiness, so that's OK!
A little while later I was talking to a nice guy C. I think it was his room that was hosting the party. Anyhow I agreed to get a spanking from him. It was fun, a bit harder than I was expecting, but I survived! I was definitely sore after though.
After the party wound down I gravitated back to Kat and Aurora's room for some chit chat before getting ready for the dinner. I thought it was odd that my butt was quite tender when I sat on the bed. When I went back to my room to shower and get ready for dinner, I discovered why. I was quite bruised! What a shock. Seriously, it shouldn't surprise me, I do totally expect to bruise. I don't play often and I'm very fair and bruise easily in general. Still, it manages to catch me by surprise anyhow, probably cuz it isn't like I'm playing hard or anything. Anyhow, it hurt.
I got ready and then went to wait for Kat and Aurora to finish getting ready. (and waited, and waited, and waited...) Finally they were ready and we headed down to dinner. Pretty much everyone was dressed nicely; some in 60s style outfits, some not. A couple of people showed up looking grubby. The dinner was quite good, I was surprised since I was expecting it not to be having heard tales before about the bad food there. My only complaint was the food wasn't labeled with what it was. I have severe fish and seafood allergy so it's really nice to know that something doesn't have it in it before I eat it. So I made sure to only take stuff I was pretty darn sure I knew what it was. After dinner there was some dancing. I'm not a dancer. Heck, I have a hard enough time figuring out which direction to go when going over the lap (and I still usually get it wrong if left to my own devices). So trust me, dancing is not my thing! I did get asked though which is always nice. The people who did dance seemed to have a lot of fun.
Once the dinner was over we headed back to our rooms to change again and then headed out to the suite parties and played dodge-the-annoying-guy for a while until we managed to shake him. I didn't play as I was feeling sore and figured my butt needed a break if I wanted to play at all the next day. Honestly, I'm not sure if I was asked or not, but I think I was. I wasn't all pouty about not getting asked, so I probably did get asked.
Saturday night was hard for me, for some reason. The noise of the party was getting to me and I was starting to feel anxious. I did end up leaving a couple of times to just go to my room for a few minutes of quiet, but I did come back which can be hard for me to do, so yay for me for coming back. I was definitely a bit off and hope I wasn't sending out "back off and stay away from me" vibes.
Later on we ended up in a private room with a few people. Kat was supposed to come later but ended up getting side-tracked which happens a lot at these parties, it's so easy to get side-tracked. I didn't really know anyone really well there except for one person who was off getting spanked. I was sort of feeling out of my element and feeling like the ugly duckling in a room full of beautiful people. I want to stress here that no one was treating me that way or making me feel like that, it was all me, plus I was tired which never helps when I start feeling insecure. Anyhow I did chat a bit with one fellow and then eventually decided to call it a night. At these parties it seems to take forever to actually make it to your room because you usually end up getting sidetracked.
I was feeling sad because Kat was leaving early in the morning and I didn't get to say good-bye to her. I'm seeing her next month anyhow, but sometimes I'm just funny that way and start attaching more importance to stuff than there should be and building it up in my mind as "proof" that people hate me and are avoiding me. Honestly, I did pretty good at Shadowlane with just having fun and not doing that, but I did still have my moments.
Eventually I got a few hours of sleep and then was up again to see what Sunday would bring.
I hung out down there for a while chatting with everyone who came by. Soon it was time to head up for the afternoon SSNY party. They were going to be showing some educational/funny videos and I was looking forward to seeing them.
When we got there the videos were already about halfway over, but that's okay they showed them all again later. Let me tell you, these are a scream, so well done and incredibly funny. Everyone really enjoyed them.
I came dressed really casually. For some reason it never occurred to me that there might be spanking going on at this party. I ended up wishing I had worn cuter panties. There wasn't anything wrong with the ones I was wearing, but if I'd been thinking more clearly I'd have put on prettier ones. No one ran away in horror, anyhow which is always a plus.
Scary Top swooped in out of nowhere and asked me to play. Surprisingly enough I agreed with no fuss or trepidation. Go figure. We had a nice fun scene. I probably laughed at him the whole time, but I can't remember for sure. I know he did end on this double slam on my butt with both hands. That took me by surprise. Anyhow, it was a very fun scene. Of course I couldn't wait to tell Erica I had played with Scary Top. I knew she'd be proud!
Soon after, the mysterious guy living somewhere in Europe (who may or may not be a spy) that we picked up in the restaurant the day before wandered by and asked me to play. So, off we went. Somehow he had picked up the English propensity for using shoes for spanking, obviously not realizing that shoes are for feet. Let me tell you, what he called a slipper was a running shoe/gym shoe with a rubber sole! I surprised myself by not being rude and immediately saying "NO" to such a thing and agreed to look at it. Then sanity returned and I said, "no, thank you". Instead I got a nice hand spanking. I think his thing is more the traditional type of school discipline, but he gave a nice hand-spanking. Hopefully he wasn't too bored.
Off to socialize some more. Mike Tanner's family strap made an appearance. This strap is sort of famous for it's nastiness. Kat was brave enough to take 5. Hours later she was still welted. Owie. I also got to see Erica take 5 with it. Erica has an iron butt and even she was pounding her fist on the bed. As if I didn't already know that this strap wasn't for me, seeing that made sure some odd compulsion to say "OK" didn't kick in. When I was asked I politely declined and offered Suzy's butt to take them the next time he saw her. I should probably tell her! I got labeled a wimp, but I'm comfortable in my wimpiness, so that's OK!
A little while later I was talking to a nice guy C. I think it was his room that was hosting the party. Anyhow I agreed to get a spanking from him. It was fun, a bit harder than I was expecting, but I survived! I was definitely sore after though.
After the party wound down I gravitated back to Kat and Aurora's room for some chit chat before getting ready for the dinner. I thought it was odd that my butt was quite tender when I sat on the bed. When I went back to my room to shower and get ready for dinner, I discovered why. I was quite bruised! What a shock. Seriously, it shouldn't surprise me, I do totally expect to bruise. I don't play often and I'm very fair and bruise easily in general. Still, it manages to catch me by surprise anyhow, probably cuz it isn't like I'm playing hard or anything. Anyhow, it hurt.
I got ready and then went to wait for Kat and Aurora to finish getting ready. (and waited, and waited, and waited...) Finally they were ready and we headed down to dinner. Pretty much everyone was dressed nicely; some in 60s style outfits, some not. A couple of people showed up looking grubby. The dinner was quite good, I was surprised since I was expecting it not to be having heard tales before about the bad food there. My only complaint was the food wasn't labeled with what it was. I have severe fish and seafood allergy so it's really nice to know that something doesn't have it in it before I eat it. So I made sure to only take stuff I was pretty darn sure I knew what it was. After dinner there was some dancing. I'm not a dancer. Heck, I have a hard enough time figuring out which direction to go when going over the lap (and I still usually get it wrong if left to my own devices). So trust me, dancing is not my thing! I did get asked though which is always nice. The people who did dance seemed to have a lot of fun.
Once the dinner was over we headed back to our rooms to change again and then headed out to the suite parties and played dodge-the-annoying-guy for a while until we managed to shake him. I didn't play as I was feeling sore and figured my butt needed a break if I wanted to play at all the next day. Honestly, I'm not sure if I was asked or not, but I think I was. I wasn't all pouty about not getting asked, so I probably did get asked.
Saturday night was hard for me, for some reason. The noise of the party was getting to me and I was starting to feel anxious. I did end up leaving a couple of times to just go to my room for a few minutes of quiet, but I did come back which can be hard for me to do, so yay for me for coming back. I was definitely a bit off and hope I wasn't sending out "back off and stay away from me" vibes.
Later on we ended up in a private room with a few people. Kat was supposed to come later but ended up getting side-tracked which happens a lot at these parties, it's so easy to get side-tracked. I didn't really know anyone really well there except for one person who was off getting spanked. I was sort of feeling out of my element and feeling like the ugly duckling in a room full of beautiful people. I want to stress here that no one was treating me that way or making me feel like that, it was all me, plus I was tired which never helps when I start feeling insecure. Anyhow I did chat a bit with one fellow and then eventually decided to call it a night. At these parties it seems to take forever to actually make it to your room because you usually end up getting sidetracked.
I was feeling sad because Kat was leaving early in the morning and I didn't get to say good-bye to her. I'm seeing her next month anyhow, but sometimes I'm just funny that way and start attaching more importance to stuff than there should be and building it up in my mind as "proof" that people hate me and are avoiding me. Honestly, I did pretty good at Shadowlane with just having fun and not doing that, but I did still have my moments.
Eventually I got a few hours of sleep and then was up again to see what Sunday would bring.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 3
We left the vendor fair and ran into D and M. D was blathering on about some nonsense about me standing up M and needing to pay for it! Ya, ya. Whatever!
We headed up to one of the suite parties and D got mouthy about someone/anyone needing to spank sweet me. She went on about how hurt her husband was and how he was too nice to do anything about it. Blah, blah, blah...totally over the top stuff. If anyone needed spanking it was D for her dramatics! Out of nowhere my friend JSpanks shows up and grabs my arm. "I'll spank her!", he said. He drags me off to the bedroom where it was full. "Hah!", I thought, "that puts an end to that nonsense". Some unhelpful person pointed out that the bathroom was free and so into the bathroom we went.
JS sat down and directed me over his lap. I may have muttered something about this being all bogus and lame and totally undeserved. I got a "pardon me?" back. "Nothing", I muttered, "you're hearing things again." Didn't know my sweet friend JS had this toppy side, where'd it come from? Sheesh.
So, he proceeds to initiate me into the whole Shadowlane experience. Here was my first Shadowlane spanking, my first spanking in Nevada, and my first spanking ever in a bathroom! Eventually the pants came down, but panties stayed up. I was trying really hard to pretend that people WEREN'T looking or I'd die of mortification. I of course, took my spanking stoically and with grace.
OK, I laughed like crazy and may have made some cheeky remarks. I can't help it. The laughing wasn't actually me being insolent. It's nerves and sometimes when I start I have trouble stopping. I was nervous about people watching (even though I was doing my best to pretend they weren't and tune them out). I was nervous about the whole spanking thing. I made sure to remind JS that I was wimpy and to keep that in mind! At one point, he looked down at me and said, "Are you laughing?" Then he proceeded to notch it up a bit which of course had me laughing harder. Apparently I wasn't learning my lesson. Go figure.
I'm not sure how long it went on for, but eventually he decided he was going to end with 20 (I think) and I was going to count them. OK, counting is totally not my thing so it's possible I said something like "hmph...counting is stupid" and rolled my eyes. I said it quietly, you wouldn't think he'd have heard - so the counting part hadn't even started yet and already I'd earned extra swats. Some people are unreasonable. Eventually I made it through the counting (only earning extras a couple of times for smart remarks). Got up and covered and tried not to see who might be looking. Gave JS a quick hug so he wouldn't feel bad for being such a bully and then exited the bathroom with a big grin on my face!
I didn't get very far before M got hold of me. Now there was a spot in the bedroom and I was going to get it again for the same thing I just got spanked for! How unfair is that?
I was still nervous and laughing (and truth be told, giddy from the last spanking) so I laughed through this one too. M used a few different things on me and ended with the flogger. It was really nice. I love floggers. Again I tried to pretend no one was watching the whole thing. Feeling totally unchastised, I hugged M so he wouldn't feel bad and then headed back out to the party to socialize. I was gratified to see, on my way out, that D was getting her butt tanned for her mouthy ways! Hah!
It was the first official day of Shadowlane and I got two nice spankings...err...I mean I was bullied unmercifully for just being my sweet ole self! I was feeling pretty good about things.
I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and eventually climbed into bed for a couple of hours of sleep before getting up early to start it all over again.
What would Saturday have in store for me?
We headed up to one of the suite parties and D got mouthy about someone/anyone needing to spank sweet me. She went on about how hurt her husband was and how he was too nice to do anything about it. Blah, blah, blah...totally over the top stuff. If anyone needed spanking it was D for her dramatics! Out of nowhere my friend JSpanks shows up and grabs my arm. "I'll spank her!", he said. He drags me off to the bedroom where it was full. "Hah!", I thought, "that puts an end to that nonsense". Some unhelpful person pointed out that the bathroom was free and so into the bathroom we went.
JS sat down and directed me over his lap. I may have muttered something about this being all bogus and lame and totally undeserved. I got a "pardon me?" back. "Nothing", I muttered, "you're hearing things again." Didn't know my sweet friend JS had this toppy side, where'd it come from? Sheesh.
So, he proceeds to initiate me into the whole Shadowlane experience. Here was my first Shadowlane spanking, my first spanking in Nevada, and my first spanking ever in a bathroom! Eventually the pants came down, but panties stayed up. I was trying really hard to pretend that people WEREN'T looking or I'd die of mortification. I of course, took my spanking stoically and with grace.
OK, I laughed like crazy and may have made some cheeky remarks. I can't help it. The laughing wasn't actually me being insolent. It's nerves and sometimes when I start I have trouble stopping. I was nervous about people watching (even though I was doing my best to pretend they weren't and tune them out). I was nervous about the whole spanking thing. I made sure to remind JS that I was wimpy and to keep that in mind! At one point, he looked down at me and said, "Are you laughing?" Then he proceeded to notch it up a bit which of course had me laughing harder. Apparently I wasn't learning my lesson. Go figure.
I'm not sure how long it went on for, but eventually he decided he was going to end with 20 (I think) and I was going to count them. OK, counting is totally not my thing so it's possible I said something like "hmph...counting is stupid" and rolled my eyes. I said it quietly, you wouldn't think he'd have heard - so the counting part hadn't even started yet and already I'd earned extra swats. Some people are unreasonable. Eventually I made it through the counting (only earning extras a couple of times for smart remarks). Got up and covered and tried not to see who might be looking. Gave JS a quick hug so he wouldn't feel bad for being such a bully and then exited the bathroom with a big grin on my face!
I didn't get very far before M got hold of me. Now there was a spot in the bedroom and I was going to get it again for the same thing I just got spanked for! How unfair is that?
I was still nervous and laughing (and truth be told, giddy from the last spanking) so I laughed through this one too. M used a few different things on me and ended with the flogger. It was really nice. I love floggers. Again I tried to pretend no one was watching the whole thing. Feeling totally unchastised, I hugged M so he wouldn't feel bad and then headed back out to the party to socialize. I was gratified to see, on my way out, that D was getting her butt tanned for her mouthy ways! Hah!
It was the first official day of Shadowlane and I got two nice spankings...err...I mean I was bullied unmercifully for just being my sweet ole self! I was feeling pretty good about things.
I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning and eventually climbed into bed for a couple of hours of sleep before getting up early to start it all over again.
What would Saturday have in store for me?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 2
I wandered down to the casino Friday mid-morning and immediately bumped into D and M who I met at the very first spanking party I went to and who are also members of FMS.
Familiar faces! Yay!
Soon a group was gathering and we decided to head to breakfast. The group got larger as more people joined in. I can't remember everyone who was there and/or if the name I knew them by was real or not so don't want to risk listing people who might not want to be mentioned. Anyhow, D&M were there. D was waiting for her friend G to join the group. D is rather exuberant and the excitement she had waiting for G to show up had me worried. Would the casino stand up to it?
Danny_Chrighton and Sophie were there. It was her first Shadowlane party too. Sophie is incredibly sweet and it was a pleasure getting to chat with her throughout the weekend. Danny is a real doll too, always with a big smile and a hug and made me feel welcome wherever I went. Sometimes it's the little things that are so helpful. Funny note here: One of my friends has a huge spanko-crush on Danny, so every time she saw him hug me, she'd pretend to glare. I'd glance over at her and smirk!
After we ordered, D's friend G showed up with a group of other people: R, M and L. G's husband turned out to be Scary Top. I'd read about him on Erica's blog and told her if I ever saw him I'd run in the other direction!
We had a nice breakfast. Lots of chatting and laughing. It's hard not to laugh when D is around. There was a fellow sitting at a table across from us wearing a Folsom Street Fair t-shirt so I was convinced he was kinky and part of our group. I made the mistake of telling D she should go find out. She'd have been across the room asking him if I hadn't stopped her! She's a brat, that one. She did eventually go over and ask him and of course she pointed right at ME and said, "that girl wants to know if you are kinky." I thought I'd die and I'm sure I turned 50 shades of red. Turns out he was and he joined the table. He was very mysterious, as he would only say he was from Europe when I asked, so I told him I was from North America. Ha, two can play that game! Maybe he was a spy or something.
Scary Top is addicted to his cell phone and texting. I'm pretty sure he was texting L who was sitting next to him. He told a funny story about texting his business partner something spanking related that obviously wasn't meant for him. He was a bit grumpy because he was hungry and his wife wasn't ordering fast enough to suit him. He then came up with this bizarre idea of bottoms spanking bottoms at the top's direction. How lazy. Then he tried to convince me to smack his wife! Hello?? I don't even know this lady and she's informing me on my other side that she hits back! Do I look stupid? If he wants to smack her, he can do it himself! :)
Eventually they got food. G just wanted plain yogurt (thinking plain without granola and stuff in it like the parfait I had). What she got was plain unflavoured yogurt to which she then added packages of jams and jellies. She said it turned out good, so all was well.
After breakfast/brunch I headed back up to the rooms to see if Kat and Aurora were up yet. They were, so I went over to their room and hung out with them for a while. I had intended on going to the newbie suite party before the vendor fair, but ended up missing it. I'm sure it would have been worthwhile going to and I'm sorry I ended up missing it. We went to dinner and on the way ran into D and M. I arranged for a spanking with M, but ended up missing it since dinner took so long and because it never crossed my mind he was waiting for me at my room. I'm slow on the uptake sometimes.
Soon it was time to get ready for the Vendor Fair so I went back to my room to get ready. I forget what I wore, but I remember thinking I looked like a stuffed sausage and was convinced no one would want to spank me. We headed over to the Vendor Fair with our Shadowlane tickets in hand and got in the lineup to get our badges. As I entered the room, Tony shouted out "Iggy!". He's such a nut. Wandered around the fair for a while. Mostly it was videos and nastier (read: wood) types of implements, so there wasn't anything there I was really interested in.
Almost immediately I saw Erica behind the Shadowlane table. I really wanted to meet her as I've known her for several years online. In fact, when I first got to know her I had no idea what Shadowlane even was, let alone that she did spanking videos. I was sure she'd look at me and go "Who?", but as I approached she said with a big smile, "I know you!" She was as gracious as could be and throughout the weekend I got to chat a bit with her and her charming partner J. Very nice people, very charming, very friendly. I also got to meet BradD who I've corresponded with, but despite having attended a couple of the same parties, hadn't met. What a sweetie.
The Northern Spanking group did a kinky dance and there was some spanking going on (in the ballroom, not in the dance), but not as much as I expected there to be. The SSNY group was selling a soothing cream. Luckily someone put some on my hand first because it turned out I was allergic to it and definitely wouldn't have wanted it on my bottom. Everyone else really liked it though and found it very soothing. I wasn't about to get spanked in the ballroom, but it was fun watching others get it.
Soon we decided to leave the Vendor Fair. I wasn't sure where we'd end up going so I was just happy to follow along. The night was still young.
All this writing and she hasn't had any action yet. Will she, or won't she? Stay tuned.
Familiar faces! Yay!
Soon a group was gathering and we decided to head to breakfast. The group got larger as more people joined in. I can't remember everyone who was there and/or if the name I knew them by was real or not so don't want to risk listing people who might not want to be mentioned. Anyhow, D&M were there. D was waiting for her friend G to join the group. D is rather exuberant and the excitement she had waiting for G to show up had me worried. Would the casino stand up to it?
Danny_Chrighton and Sophie were there. It was her first Shadowlane party too. Sophie is incredibly sweet and it was a pleasure getting to chat with her throughout the weekend. Danny is a real doll too, always with a big smile and a hug and made me feel welcome wherever I went. Sometimes it's the little things that are so helpful. Funny note here: One of my friends has a huge spanko-crush on Danny, so every time she saw him hug me, she'd pretend to glare. I'd glance over at her and smirk!
After we ordered, D's friend G showed up with a group of other people: R, M and L. G's husband turned out to be Scary Top. I'd read about him on Erica's blog and told her if I ever saw him I'd run in the other direction!
We had a nice breakfast. Lots of chatting and laughing. It's hard not to laugh when D is around. There was a fellow sitting at a table across from us wearing a Folsom Street Fair t-shirt so I was convinced he was kinky and part of our group. I made the mistake of telling D she should go find out. She'd have been across the room asking him if I hadn't stopped her! She's a brat, that one. She did eventually go over and ask him and of course she pointed right at ME and said, "that girl wants to know if you are kinky." I thought I'd die and I'm sure I turned 50 shades of red. Turns out he was and he joined the table. He was very mysterious, as he would only say he was from Europe when I asked, so I told him I was from North America. Ha, two can play that game! Maybe he was a spy or something.
Scary Top is addicted to his cell phone and texting. I'm pretty sure he was texting L who was sitting next to him. He told a funny story about texting his business partner something spanking related that obviously wasn't meant for him. He was a bit grumpy because he was hungry and his wife wasn't ordering fast enough to suit him. He then came up with this bizarre idea of bottoms spanking bottoms at the top's direction. How lazy. Then he tried to convince me to smack his wife! Hello?? I don't even know this lady and she's informing me on my other side that she hits back! Do I look stupid? If he wants to smack her, he can do it himself! :)
Eventually they got food. G just wanted plain yogurt (thinking plain without granola and stuff in it like the parfait I had). What she got was plain unflavoured yogurt to which she then added packages of jams and jellies. She said it turned out good, so all was well.
After breakfast/brunch I headed back up to the rooms to see if Kat and Aurora were up yet. They were, so I went over to their room and hung out with them for a while. I had intended on going to the newbie suite party before the vendor fair, but ended up missing it. I'm sure it would have been worthwhile going to and I'm sorry I ended up missing it. We went to dinner and on the way ran into D and M. I arranged for a spanking with M, but ended up missing it since dinner took so long and because it never crossed my mind he was waiting for me at my room. I'm slow on the uptake sometimes.
Soon it was time to get ready for the Vendor Fair so I went back to my room to get ready. I forget what I wore, but I remember thinking I looked like a stuffed sausage and was convinced no one would want to spank me. We headed over to the Vendor Fair with our Shadowlane tickets in hand and got in the lineup to get our badges. As I entered the room, Tony shouted out "Iggy!". He's such a nut. Wandered around the fair for a while. Mostly it was videos and nastier (read: wood) types of implements, so there wasn't anything there I was really interested in.
Almost immediately I saw Erica behind the Shadowlane table. I really wanted to meet her as I've known her for several years online. In fact, when I first got to know her I had no idea what Shadowlane even was, let alone that she did spanking videos. I was sure she'd look at me and go "Who?", but as I approached she said with a big smile, "I know you!" She was as gracious as could be and throughout the weekend I got to chat a bit with her and her charming partner J. Very nice people, very charming, very friendly. I also got to meet BradD who I've corresponded with, but despite having attended a couple of the same parties, hadn't met. What a sweetie.
The Northern Spanking group did a kinky dance and there was some spanking going on (in the ballroom, not in the dance), but not as much as I expected there to be. The SSNY group was selling a soothing cream. Luckily someone put some on my hand first because it turned out I was allergic to it and definitely wouldn't have wanted it on my bottom. Everyone else really liked it though and found it very soothing. I wasn't about to get spanked in the ballroom, but it was fun watching others get it.
Soon we decided to leave the Vendor Fair. I wasn't sure where we'd end up going so I was just happy to follow along. The night was still young.
All this writing and she hasn't had any action yet. Will she, or won't she? Stay tuned.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Shadowlane: A Wallflower's Perspective Part 1
I haven't figured out how I'm going to organize my writing about Shadowlane. Chronologically is logical, but everyone is writing chronologically it seems. In the end, it'll probably wind up being somewhat in order since things get to be so hard to remember.
Leading up to the party I was more worried about the travel details than the actual party. Sure, I was plenty nervous about the party and what mysterious things would happen there, but I was MORE worried about the travel stuff so it overshadowed that. I had major panic attacks when all the flights the day before leaving the airport I was flying out of were delayed by hours. If I'd been traveling on Wednesday rather than Thursday I'd have been so screwed. Of course in my mind I wasn't thinking, "Oh good thing I'm traveling on Thursday, aren't I lucky?", I was thinking, "OMG what if this carries over to Thursday?!". I'm also driving phobic to a degree and the 2 1/2 hour drive to the airport in another province had me worried. There is a bridge I have to cross with a metal deck on it that I hate going over, even as a passenger. The vehicle shimmies across it, it seems, and it makes weird noises. I hate it and you can't close your eyes when you are driving! There are also some windy mountainous sections that has lots of crashes and people killed on it. Plus, I was worried about wildlife leaping in front of me. It happens plenty. Anyhow, I made it to the airport without incident (other than missing the turn into the airport and having to turn around and wend my way back to it).
In the end, all my flights were on time and the actual flight connections were smooth sailing. I had 2 flights: to Calgary and then to Las Vegas. When I went to check in my flights, I got an upgrade offer for quite cheap to upgrade the Calgary to Vegas leg of the journey to executive class. Being cheap and broke, I wasn't going to, but then decided I'd pout the whole trip if I didn't and end up wishing I had. I'd never sat in executive class before, so it was quite the treat. Lots of pampering and service. Wow! What fun! It's been so long since I was served a meal on a plane that I had forgotten what that was like and the meal was really tasty. I had a nice chicken dish. There were a couple of other choices: pasta and a salmon dish. I'm allergic to fish and seafood, so the salmon was obviously out.
I arrived at Vegas on time. I didn't realize there were two terminals there and of course I landed at the other one. I had to figure out how to get to the other terminal. My friend Rich was supposed to land 15 minutes after me, but his flight got in about 30 minutes early and was full of Shadowlane people so they ended up renting a limo and heading to the hotel and were gone before I got in. I had to wait about an hour and a half for the shuttle. The hotel hadn't given me any information on the shuttle so I had figured it would be easy to find until I found the shuttle area and saw a sea of spots out there. So then I had to find the hotel number (which I didn't have on me) and phone them. I really wish my cell phone would have worked in the US because it would have made my life much easier. Finally I found out the shuttle bus information and then settled in to wait. That is when the party fear really started to build!
By the time I got on the shuttle and got to the hotel I was literally bouncing with fear. My stomach was in knots. I was positive I was going to be spending the entire time alone in my room. Everyone would hate me.
I got checked in and up to my room and was immediately bored so I unpacked my computer and agreed to the exorbitant, highway robbery price of the internet connection at the hotel since I needed to connect with people and find out where they were. I sent a message to my friend Kat who had arrived earlier (but a day later than she had planned) to find out where they were. It turns out that she and Aurora were only 4 rooms away from me. The rooms there are massive and really nice. There is even a phone in the bathroom, plus a comfie seat to sit on and do your makeup. The room had a huge-ass TV too.
I unpacked, showered, changed and then headed over to Kat and Aurora's room. I lucked out in meeting up with Aurora. For a girl who claims to be shy, she knows absolutely everyone and had invites everywhere. So I just tagged-along. I was the tag-along girl. We headed up to a suite party. I was petrified walking in. I was positive the host would be yelling, "get out interloper" or something at me, but instead I got a drink and settled down to chat with people. I was too nervous to play yet and really just wanted to settle in and meet some people, chat and get to feel a bit more comfortable around everyone. I did get asked to play, so that was awesome, even if I didn't play yet. Being asked is always nice for the ego. I'm always thinking, "He doesn't think I'm a troll, yippee!"
I forget everyone I met and some people went by one name, but had different scene names (which sometimes confused me when later on their name badge said something different). I did meet Tony Elka there who seemed to know who I was which surprised me. He's hilarious and it was nice chatting. For the rest of the weekend, whenever he saw me, he'd yell out "iggy!". I think he just liked saying it! The evening was a blur, but I was starting to relax and think, "OK maybe this won't be a total disaster."
It turned out there were more people there who I knew or had met before than I realized were going to be there. Whenever I saw someone I knew I'd get all excited and be thinking or sometimes even saying, "I know you!" Sarahfl43 and Headmaster Tony were there from the FMS - there was actually a strong Florida presence there. I met sarahfl43 at the last SSC as well. She's a hoot and a great girl to hang around with. After the suite party everyone seemed to congregate by the elevator foyer on one of the floors for an impromptu elevator party as people resisted going to bed. It was a lot of fun.
Eventually I headed to bed (it was late, but I forget exactly how late). I read for a while, pinched myself to see if I was really there or if it was a dream and sure enough, the pinch hurt!
I slept for a bit and was up around 8:30. Sleep was something that was in short supply over the weekend. After getting ready for a new day, I thought, "now what?". Kat and Aurora didn't get up until the afternoon. I wandered off to the casino to entertain myself and/or see what sort of mischief I could get up to.
Leading up to the party I was more worried about the travel details than the actual party. Sure, I was plenty nervous about the party and what mysterious things would happen there, but I was MORE worried about the travel stuff so it overshadowed that. I had major panic attacks when all the flights the day before leaving the airport I was flying out of were delayed by hours. If I'd been traveling on Wednesday rather than Thursday I'd have been so screwed. Of course in my mind I wasn't thinking, "Oh good thing I'm traveling on Thursday, aren't I lucky?", I was thinking, "OMG what if this carries over to Thursday?!". I'm also driving phobic to a degree and the 2 1/2 hour drive to the airport in another province had me worried. There is a bridge I have to cross with a metal deck on it that I hate going over, even as a passenger. The vehicle shimmies across it, it seems, and it makes weird noises. I hate it and you can't close your eyes when you are driving! There are also some windy mountainous sections that has lots of crashes and people killed on it. Plus, I was worried about wildlife leaping in front of me. It happens plenty. Anyhow, I made it to the airport without incident (other than missing the turn into the airport and having to turn around and wend my way back to it).
In the end, all my flights were on time and the actual flight connections were smooth sailing. I had 2 flights: to Calgary and then to Las Vegas. When I went to check in my flights, I got an upgrade offer for quite cheap to upgrade the Calgary to Vegas leg of the journey to executive class. Being cheap and broke, I wasn't going to, but then decided I'd pout the whole trip if I didn't and end up wishing I had. I'd never sat in executive class before, so it was quite the treat. Lots of pampering and service. Wow! What fun! It's been so long since I was served a meal on a plane that I had forgotten what that was like and the meal was really tasty. I had a nice chicken dish. There were a couple of other choices: pasta and a salmon dish. I'm allergic to fish and seafood, so the salmon was obviously out.
I arrived at Vegas on time. I didn't realize there were two terminals there and of course I landed at the other one. I had to figure out how to get to the other terminal. My friend Rich was supposed to land 15 minutes after me, but his flight got in about 30 minutes early and was full of Shadowlane people so they ended up renting a limo and heading to the hotel and were gone before I got in. I had to wait about an hour and a half for the shuttle. The hotel hadn't given me any information on the shuttle so I had figured it would be easy to find until I found the shuttle area and saw a sea of spots out there. So then I had to find the hotel number (which I didn't have on me) and phone them. I really wish my cell phone would have worked in the US because it would have made my life much easier. Finally I found out the shuttle bus information and then settled in to wait. That is when the party fear really started to build!
By the time I got on the shuttle and got to the hotel I was literally bouncing with fear. My stomach was in knots. I was positive I was going to be spending the entire time alone in my room. Everyone would hate me.
I got checked in and up to my room and was immediately bored so I unpacked my computer and agreed to the exorbitant, highway robbery price of the internet connection at the hotel since I needed to connect with people and find out where they were. I sent a message to my friend Kat who had arrived earlier (but a day later than she had planned) to find out where they were. It turns out that she and Aurora were only 4 rooms away from me. The rooms there are massive and really nice. There is even a phone in the bathroom, plus a comfie seat to sit on and do your makeup. The room had a huge-ass TV too.
I unpacked, showered, changed and then headed over to Kat and Aurora's room. I lucked out in meeting up with Aurora. For a girl who claims to be shy, she knows absolutely everyone and had invites everywhere. So I just tagged-along. I was the tag-along girl. We headed up to a suite party. I was petrified walking in. I was positive the host would be yelling, "get out interloper" or something at me, but instead I got a drink and settled down to chat with people. I was too nervous to play yet and really just wanted to settle in and meet some people, chat and get to feel a bit more comfortable around everyone. I did get asked to play, so that was awesome, even if I didn't play yet. Being asked is always nice for the ego. I'm always thinking, "He doesn't think I'm a troll, yippee!"
I forget everyone I met and some people went by one name, but had different scene names (which sometimes confused me when later on their name badge said something different). I did meet Tony Elka there who seemed to know who I was which surprised me. He's hilarious and it was nice chatting. For the rest of the weekend, whenever he saw me, he'd yell out "iggy!". I think he just liked saying it! The evening was a blur, but I was starting to relax and think, "OK maybe this won't be a total disaster."
It turned out there were more people there who I knew or had met before than I realized were going to be there. Whenever I saw someone I knew I'd get all excited and be thinking or sometimes even saying, "I know you!" Sarahfl43 and Headmaster Tony were there from the FMS - there was actually a strong Florida presence there. I met sarahfl43 at the last SSC as well. She's a hoot and a great girl to hang around with. After the suite party everyone seemed to congregate by the elevator foyer on one of the floors for an impromptu elevator party as people resisted going to bed. It was a lot of fun.
Eventually I headed to bed (it was late, but I forget exactly how late). I read for a while, pinched myself to see if I was really there or if it was a dream and sure enough, the pinch hurt!
I slept for a bit and was up around 8:30. Sleep was something that was in short supply over the weekend. After getting ready for a new day, I thought, "now what?". Kat and Aurora didn't get up until the afternoon. I wandered off to the casino to entertain myself and/or see what sort of mischief I could get up to.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Getting ready to head back home
I'm sitting here in my hotel room in Vegas and just sort of winding down as I pack and get mostly ready for tomorrow's trek back to the spankless zone I call home. Just putting together some very vague and general impressions of this whole Shadowlane experience.
This trip has been wonderful and I'm glad I came. Of course I'm running on virtually no sleep so I'm going to be in need of a vacation to recover from this one by the time I make it home. I have a long day tomorrow - 3 flights and then a 2 1/2 hour drive from the airport to my place. I'll arrive very late and then have to get up early to go to work. I'm definitely not looking forward to that.
There were more people here who I knew than I was expecting so that was a pleasant surprise. The creeper element wasn't overwhelming and was usually fairly easy to run away from. People were welcoming, friendly and a lot of fun. I'm never gonna be the quintessential centre of attention party girl. Staying on the fringes and enjoying the scene quietly is more my speed. I do find the noise of so many people to become overwhelming at times and so I would make little trips to my room just to settle down and have a bit of peace and quiet before returning to the party.
I met tons of new people. I won't lie and say this trip was easy for me. I stepped way out of my comfort zone with this one. I think I did really well. I tried to lay the groundwork for a succesful party experience before I came and I think that helped a lot. I played a fair amount, I chatted with quite a few people. I had lots of laughs. There were times where I just stayed at the edges of what was going on because I would get overwhelmed by it all and start to feel out of place. I did check in with people to make sure I wasn't putting up any walls and giving off "back off/stay away" vibes and was assured I wasn't. I know I can do this, so it was good to hear that I wasn't.
It always amazes me when people recognize my online name. I was truly staggered by the number of people who knew who I was and some of them had even been to this blog! I always think I'm basically the only one reading this (which would be fine).
My poor bottom is a massive black bruise covering the entire spank zone. I did mainly stick to hand spankings with a tiny bit of leather implements thrown in. I just bruise easily. I hope it is all healed up by the time I go to Georgia at the beginning of October, but it may not be.
I'm sure I'll write more after I process it all and sort it through my head. It's fun to re-live events and cement details firmly in my head.
This was definitely an experience I am glad I did not miss.
This trip has been wonderful and I'm glad I came. Of course I'm running on virtually no sleep so I'm going to be in need of a vacation to recover from this one by the time I make it home. I have a long day tomorrow - 3 flights and then a 2 1/2 hour drive from the airport to my place. I'll arrive very late and then have to get up early to go to work. I'm definitely not looking forward to that.
There were more people here who I knew than I was expecting so that was a pleasant surprise. The creeper element wasn't overwhelming and was usually fairly easy to run away from. People were welcoming, friendly and a lot of fun. I'm never gonna be the quintessential centre of attention party girl. Staying on the fringes and enjoying the scene quietly is more my speed. I do find the noise of so many people to become overwhelming at times and so I would make little trips to my room just to settle down and have a bit of peace and quiet before returning to the party.
I met tons of new people. I won't lie and say this trip was easy for me. I stepped way out of my comfort zone with this one. I think I did really well. I tried to lay the groundwork for a succesful party experience before I came and I think that helped a lot. I played a fair amount, I chatted with quite a few people. I had lots of laughs. There were times where I just stayed at the edges of what was going on because I would get overwhelmed by it all and start to feel out of place. I did check in with people to make sure I wasn't putting up any walls and giving off "back off/stay away" vibes and was assured I wasn't. I know I can do this, so it was good to hear that I wasn't.
It always amazes me when people recognize my online name. I was truly staggered by the number of people who knew who I was and some of them had even been to this blog! I always think I'm basically the only one reading this (which would be fine).
My poor bottom is a massive black bruise covering the entire spank zone. I did mainly stick to hand spankings with a tiny bit of leather implements thrown in. I just bruise easily. I hope it is all healed up by the time I go to Georgia at the beginning of October, but it may not be.
I'm sure I'll write more after I process it all and sort it through my head. It's fun to re-live events and cement details firmly in my head.
This was definitely an experience I am glad I did not miss.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tic...tic...tic....
According to my new countdown gadget on my desktop, I arrive in Vegas in 5 days 3 hours 55 minutes and 14 seconds (and going down). Where does the time go? When I booked the trip it seemed so far away and so safe. Now it's breathing down my neck!
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm terrified.
Then something surfaced from my brain that I had forgotten about. The full body scan requirement (or pat down search alternative) that I'll have to endure in order to get on a US flight. Honestly, it should be no big deal. But the thought of MY body on a scan just icks me right out. Now I realize the person looking at the scan can't see me (thank goodness), but still the idea of it is not appealing at all. I've become a bit more freaked out about the body scan than I am about the party at the moment. I'm sure that'll change.
So, I leave Thursday. I'm actually taking a flight out of Alberta rather than BC because the flight was half the cost and made the difference between going and not going. However, that means I have a 2 1/2 hour drive to the airport on both sides. This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't driving phobic with the worst sense of direction in the history of the world (not exaggerating either). So, seriously I'm being really brave. My flight leaves at 12:30 so I'll leave home around 8 to make sure I have lots of time. The airport isn't huge so I'll probably end up with tons of time to kill at the airport, but I'd rather be early than get lost and run out of time. I am bringing my GPS (purchased cheap for just such an occasion). I'm sure I'll manage it. I'm still nervous about it though. I fly to Calgary and then from Calgary to Vegas.
The weather here has been darn right chilly (as in mid 40s to low 50s) so Vegas (100s) may be a shock!
Today I'm going to get my hair cut and hopefully looking cute and then I'm getting a pedicure too. I've never had a pedicure, but I figure I'll be in sandals for 5 days so it can't hurt. I'm not a foot person. I don't like feet. I'm not big on other people touching my feet either, so I'm nervous about the pedicure too even though everyone I know says they are great.
Then I have a bit of last minute shopping to do (barring anything I forget to get today that necessitates another trek to Walmart) and I need to get my packing started. Right now my sofa is covered in clothing. I know that when I went to Florida I took what I thought was way too many clothes and then ended up wearing all of them. The heat and nature of the event seems to lead to the use of far more clothes than I'd normally wear during the same time frame. So, I'm gonna pack lots.
I haven't decided if/what I'll bring in the way of implements. Likely I'll end up stuffing one or two in my bag that I like. So, I'll have to look through those too. So much stuff to do and the time is going by fast. Already 15 minutes has disappeared from my countdown timer since I started this entry.
I did manage to make it into the Shadowlane chat a couple of times and so got to know a few people a little bit. Luckily for me, iggy isn't a super common name, so people will probably recognize it. Plus, they've been pretty friendly so I'm sure they're mostly good people, although I've already seen one person posting on the board who if I see his name on a name tag I'll be running in the other direction!
Oh and it turns out a friend of mine will probably be arriving at the airport around the same time as I do, in fact, if he takes the shuttle we may very well be on the same one (barring any flight delays and whatnot). It'll be nice to see a friendly face right off the bat. Sometimes just starting out with one friendly face can make all the difference in the world.
Lots to do and time is running out fast!
Vegas, here I come!
I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm terrified.
Then something surfaced from my brain that I had forgotten about. The full body scan requirement (or pat down search alternative) that I'll have to endure in order to get on a US flight. Honestly, it should be no big deal. But the thought of MY body on a scan just icks me right out. Now I realize the person looking at the scan can't see me (thank goodness), but still the idea of it is not appealing at all. I've become a bit more freaked out about the body scan than I am about the party at the moment. I'm sure that'll change.
So, I leave Thursday. I'm actually taking a flight out of Alberta rather than BC because the flight was half the cost and made the difference between going and not going. However, that means I have a 2 1/2 hour drive to the airport on both sides. This wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't driving phobic with the worst sense of direction in the history of the world (not exaggerating either). So, seriously I'm being really brave. My flight leaves at 12:30 so I'll leave home around 8 to make sure I have lots of time. The airport isn't huge so I'll probably end up with tons of time to kill at the airport, but I'd rather be early than get lost and run out of time. I am bringing my GPS (purchased cheap for just such an occasion). I'm sure I'll manage it. I'm still nervous about it though. I fly to Calgary and then from Calgary to Vegas.
The weather here has been darn right chilly (as in mid 40s to low 50s) so Vegas (100s) may be a shock!
Today I'm going to get my hair cut and hopefully looking cute and then I'm getting a pedicure too. I've never had a pedicure, but I figure I'll be in sandals for 5 days so it can't hurt. I'm not a foot person. I don't like feet. I'm not big on other people touching my feet either, so I'm nervous about the pedicure too even though everyone I know says they are great.
Then I have a bit of last minute shopping to do (barring anything I forget to get today that necessitates another trek to Walmart) and I need to get my packing started. Right now my sofa is covered in clothing. I know that when I went to Florida I took what I thought was way too many clothes and then ended up wearing all of them. The heat and nature of the event seems to lead to the use of far more clothes than I'd normally wear during the same time frame. So, I'm gonna pack lots.
I haven't decided if/what I'll bring in the way of implements. Likely I'll end up stuffing one or two in my bag that I like. So, I'll have to look through those too. So much stuff to do and the time is going by fast. Already 15 minutes has disappeared from my countdown timer since I started this entry.
I did manage to make it into the Shadowlane chat a couple of times and so got to know a few people a little bit. Luckily for me, iggy isn't a super common name, so people will probably recognize it. Plus, they've been pretty friendly so I'm sure they're mostly good people, although I've already seen one person posting on the board who if I see his name on a name tag I'll be running in the other direction!
Oh and it turns out a friend of mine will probably be arriving at the airport around the same time as I do, in fact, if he takes the shuttle we may very well be on the same one (barring any flight delays and whatnot). It'll be nice to see a friendly face right off the bat. Sometimes just starting out with one friendly face can make all the difference in the world.
Lots to do and time is running out fast!
Vegas, here I come!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Shadowlane
I can't believe it is only 13 days until I leave for Shadowlane. Where does the time go? I've not accomplished a single thing on my to-do list (most of which revolves around weight) so I'm disappointed in myself.
I really need this to be a success. I have Shadowlane and then the SSC in October. Then it looks like that will be it for the foreseeable future since my finances just aren't up to it. How depressing. Having my car stolen and having to replace it just really killed my finances and budgeting. It's depressing to think that these may be my last spankings in quite a while, so hopefully these parties are a success for me.
I finally managed to make the Shadowlane organized chat night last night. I keep forgetting about it until it is over, although one night I really tried to go and couldn't nerve myself up to do it. I'm such a baby, chat freaks me out. It's the whole social anxiety thing. I finally forced myself into the room by telling myself that going into chat was easier than walking into the Shadowlane vendor fair or dinner by myself and if couldn't manage to make it into chat I was in big trouble! I was pretty quiet for most of it until the room started to thin out and then I got a bit chattier. I met/chatted with some nice people and got offers to meet up and introduce me to people which is awesome. What nice sweet people. I'm not sure why I'm always surprised when people are nice to me.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do regarding a cell phone in Vegas. I switched it over to a prepaid plan when my contract ran out because it was way more cost effective for me (by a long shot and I don't have money to spare at the moment), but by doing so I have a phone that will not work in the US. Since the vast majority of meeting up and knowing where to go seems to be done via text messaging, I'm gonna be at a bad disadvantage I think. Still trying to come up with something to get around that since I don't need more disadvantages!
Other things I'm nervous about:
I really need this to be a success. I have Shadowlane and then the SSC in October. Then it looks like that will be it for the foreseeable future since my finances just aren't up to it. How depressing. Having my car stolen and having to replace it just really killed my finances and budgeting. It's depressing to think that these may be my last spankings in quite a while, so hopefully these parties are a success for me.
I finally managed to make the Shadowlane organized chat night last night. I keep forgetting about it until it is over, although one night I really tried to go and couldn't nerve myself up to do it. I'm such a baby, chat freaks me out. It's the whole social anxiety thing. I finally forced myself into the room by telling myself that going into chat was easier than walking into the Shadowlane vendor fair or dinner by myself and if couldn't manage to make it into chat I was in big trouble! I was pretty quiet for most of it until the room started to thin out and then I got a bit chattier. I met/chatted with some nice people and got offers to meet up and introduce me to people which is awesome. What nice sweet people. I'm not sure why I'm always surprised when people are nice to me.
I'm still trying to figure out what to do regarding a cell phone in Vegas. I switched it over to a prepaid plan when my contract ran out because it was way more cost effective for me (by a long shot and I don't have money to spare at the moment), but by doing so I have a phone that will not work in the US. Since the vast majority of meeting up and knowing where to go seems to be done via text messaging, I'm gonna be at a bad disadvantage I think. Still trying to come up with something to get around that since I don't need more disadvantages!
Other things I'm nervous about:
- General social anxiety
- Walking into the party by myself
- No one wanting to talk to me
- Looking like a moron
- No one wanting to spank me
- Not being a fun enough spankee
- Making an idiot of myself
- Not wanting to be bare butted in front of any audience (I just really don't have any exhibitionistic tendencies)
- My wardrobe (I can't afford or justify to buy special clothes for the party)
- Being on a tight budget and not having the freedom to just do what I want and missing out on opportunities because I can't afford to participate
- I'm worried about the heat and getting burned
- I'm worried about the smoke (the only time I've been to Vegas I ended up with bronchitis from all the cigarette smoke)
Friday, July 2, 2010
What's in a name?
I have a weird thing about names. I don't know anyone else like this. I have no clue where it comes from and believe me that me and my over-analyzing self have analyzed it to death and come up with nada!
Here it is. I have a hard time calling people by their name. I'll do it when I need to catch their attention, but I don't throw names in the conversation just to put their name out there. So you will very rarely hear me saying something, "Well you know, BillyBob, you spank like a girl." I'd just say "Hey, you spank like a girl!". The odd thing is it is beyond a habit where I just don't do something because I'm used to not doing it. It actually makes me uncomfortable to do it. I'm sure this also plays into why I don't use honorifics either, which make me even more uncomfortable than names.
I know I'm weird.
I'm uncomfortable with my own name being used too, although it depends on who is doing it. I'm much less uncomfortable with someone I know using my name during a conversation than I am with someone I don't know. If I don't really care for someone and they do it, it really bugs me!
I understand that people do it to remember your name, make that special connection that saying your name is supposed to bring, because they get taught to do it in work training (usually marketing) and for a bunch of other reasons. I don't know why it makes me anxious. When strangers do it, it can really make me uncomfortable. I feel like my personal space has been invaded.
It's just odd. I can find no reason for it.
Another iggy oddity to ponder.
Here it is. I have a hard time calling people by their name. I'll do it when I need to catch their attention, but I don't throw names in the conversation just to put their name out there. So you will very rarely hear me saying something, "Well you know, BillyBob, you spank like a girl." I'd just say "Hey, you spank like a girl!". The odd thing is it is beyond a habit where I just don't do something because I'm used to not doing it. It actually makes me uncomfortable to do it. I'm sure this also plays into why I don't use honorifics either, which make me even more uncomfortable than names.
I know I'm weird.
I'm uncomfortable with my own name being used too, although it depends on who is doing it. I'm much less uncomfortable with someone I know using my name during a conversation than I am with someone I don't know. If I don't really care for someone and they do it, it really bugs me!
I understand that people do it to remember your name, make that special connection that saying your name is supposed to bring, because they get taught to do it in work training (usually marketing) and for a bunch of other reasons. I don't know why it makes me anxious. When strangers do it, it can really make me uncomfortable. I feel like my personal space has been invaded.
It's just odd. I can find no reason for it.
Another iggy oddity to ponder.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Shadowlane Preparations
So I did decide to take the plunge and go ahead and book for Shadowlane. I have my ticket ordered, room reserved and flight down there all booked. I haven't yet booked a return ticket because I think I'm going to fly back a different carrier because I don't feel like leaving at 6am. Plus, I'm still not sure what day to come back.
I'm not really sure why all of a sudden I just really want to go. Shadowlane has always been at the bottom of my radar because it seems like an intimidating party and one that is easier to be more successful at the more outgoing you are. I'm not outgoing at all. There isn't an outgoing bone in my body. Not that I think people will be rude or not friendly, but many of the attendees have been going for years and they already have established circles of friends that they look forward to seeing each year. Breaking into that can seem like you are imposing. Now couple that with the fact that I'll be going alone and it's no wonder I'm already having nightmares about it!
Be that as it may, I've decided I want to go and made the commitment to go. Maybe I just want a vacation. I've only been to Vegas once and I enjoyed it there despite it being a bit of a downer vacation where the person I was with was trying to pretend it wasn't Christmas.
Maybe I'm just feeling down about missing the Tropical Beach party.
Maybe I'm just trying to break out of my shell. I've been doing much more adventurous things lately (not necessarily successfully).
Sure, I've been to two FMS Tropical Beach Parties, but that was definitely different. I went already knowing I'd have an established group of friends going who I could hang around with and I pretty much stuck with them (like a wad of gum on their shoes). I didn't rush off and play with people I didn't know. I did meet people and I did play with people at the second party that I met the first year, but as for just hooking up with someone there I didn't know - I definitely didn't do that. If I want to get spanked at Shadowlane, that's a gap I'm going to have to bridge.
It's funny because it seems like the dipwad trying to intrude on my life again after a couple blessed years of silence has shaken something loose in me. It's like parts of me that I have had walled off, I'm trying to let back out again. Maybe it's coincidence, but I think not.
I think it's a good thing I have a couple of months to prepare for this although I do think I'm likely to be a basket case by the time the date gets here. I have to figure out this whole networking thing which is totally not a strong suit of mine. It would be nice to at least find someone I could hang around with there so I'm not wandering aimlessly by myself. I did get my code to access the Shadowlane board although that doesn't seem to be all that hopping at the moment. I had planned to post an intro/networking thread there this weekend, but I've not got up the nerve to do it yet. I don't want to come across sounding dorky and desperate (I mean I am, but that doesn't mean I want to come across that way). Then I start worrying about getting targeted by someone creepy who smells "shy newbie". I'll eventually post, I'm sure. I just have to make sure I don't procrastinate on it too long because I need this networking time.
I wish Fetlife had a Shadowlane group, but they don't seem to. The site has been wonky lately with the feed going up and down, so I'm not going to change my event status from "might be attending" to "attending" the party until that stabilizes so people actually see it.
From a cost standpoint (since my Florida clothes will work in Vegas), Shadowlane is much cheaper for me. I can do the whole trip for only slightly more than what 4 days at the Florida hotel cost me. Don't get me wrong, I loved going to the Beach Party and am totally bummed out I couldn't afford to go this year, but it's an expensive trip.
I guess the worst thing that happens is I become the first spankee girl in history to not get asked for a spanking at Shadowlane and end up just walking around Vegas on my own. At best, I have a lot of fun.
I'm not really sure why all of a sudden I just really want to go. Shadowlane has always been at the bottom of my radar because it seems like an intimidating party and one that is easier to be more successful at the more outgoing you are. I'm not outgoing at all. There isn't an outgoing bone in my body. Not that I think people will be rude or not friendly, but many of the attendees have been going for years and they already have established circles of friends that they look forward to seeing each year. Breaking into that can seem like you are imposing. Now couple that with the fact that I'll be going alone and it's no wonder I'm already having nightmares about it!
Be that as it may, I've decided I want to go and made the commitment to go. Maybe I just want a vacation. I've only been to Vegas once and I enjoyed it there despite it being a bit of a downer vacation where the person I was with was trying to pretend it wasn't Christmas.
Maybe I'm just feeling down about missing the Tropical Beach party.
Maybe I'm just trying to break out of my shell. I've been doing much more adventurous things lately (not necessarily successfully).
Sure, I've been to two FMS Tropical Beach Parties, but that was definitely different. I went already knowing I'd have an established group of friends going who I could hang around with and I pretty much stuck with them (like a wad of gum on their shoes). I didn't rush off and play with people I didn't know. I did meet people and I did play with people at the second party that I met the first year, but as for just hooking up with someone there I didn't know - I definitely didn't do that. If I want to get spanked at Shadowlane, that's a gap I'm going to have to bridge.
It's funny because it seems like the dipwad trying to intrude on my life again after a couple blessed years of silence has shaken something loose in me. It's like parts of me that I have had walled off, I'm trying to let back out again. Maybe it's coincidence, but I think not.
I think it's a good thing I have a couple of months to prepare for this although I do think I'm likely to be a basket case by the time the date gets here. I have to figure out this whole networking thing which is totally not a strong suit of mine. It would be nice to at least find someone I could hang around with there so I'm not wandering aimlessly by myself. I did get my code to access the Shadowlane board although that doesn't seem to be all that hopping at the moment. I had planned to post an intro/networking thread there this weekend, but I've not got up the nerve to do it yet. I don't want to come across sounding dorky and desperate (I mean I am, but that doesn't mean I want to come across that way). Then I start worrying about getting targeted by someone creepy who smells "shy newbie". I'll eventually post, I'm sure. I just have to make sure I don't procrastinate on it too long because I need this networking time.
I wish Fetlife had a Shadowlane group, but they don't seem to. The site has been wonky lately with the feed going up and down, so I'm not going to change my event status from "might be attending" to "attending" the party until that stabilizes so people actually see it.
From a cost standpoint (since my Florida clothes will work in Vegas), Shadowlane is much cheaper for me. I can do the whole trip for only slightly more than what 4 days at the Florida hotel cost me. Don't get me wrong, I loved going to the Beach Party and am totally bummed out I couldn't afford to go this year, but it's an expensive trip.
I guess the worst thing that happens is I become the first spankee girl in history to not get asked for a spanking at Shadowlane and end up just walking around Vegas on my own. At best, I have a lot of fun.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Shadowlane
So, I've managed to get the idea of Shadowlane in my head. Now I really want to go.
I've been busy pricing airline tickets, finding out about themes and dress codes and basically found out that my clothes for Florida would do me fine for Shadowlane as well. I was worried about having to buy clothes. This is good as I'm really not much of a costume girl. The accommodation there is cheap. Also I can fly from another town about 2 1/2 hour away for about 1/2 the price as from here.
So now that I'm at planning stage the idea is firmly lodged in my head. Now if I can't get to go there will be major pouting going on (perhaps a temper tantrum too).
Of course I don't actually KNOW anyone going (that I've met in real life). Some friends have expressed interest in WANTING to go, but that's a far cry from actually going.
I can just see me there all by myself, not knowing anyone, and hiding in my room the whole time.
I really liked Vegas the last time I went (vanilla trip with mom).
I really really want to go.
Plus I really really want a spanking or two or three or four....
I've been busy pricing airline tickets, finding out about themes and dress codes and basically found out that my clothes for Florida would do me fine for Shadowlane as well. I was worried about having to buy clothes. This is good as I'm really not much of a costume girl. The accommodation there is cheap. Also I can fly from another town about 2 1/2 hour away for about 1/2 the price as from here.
So now that I'm at planning stage the idea is firmly lodged in my head. Now if I can't get to go there will be major pouting going on (perhaps a temper tantrum too).
Of course I don't actually KNOW anyone going (that I've met in real life). Some friends have expressed interest in WANTING to go, but that's a far cry from actually going.
I can just see me there all by myself, not knowing anyone, and hiding in my room the whole time.
I really liked Vegas the last time I went (vanilla trip with mom).
I really really want to go.
Plus I really really want a spanking or two or three or four....
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I'm irritated
Okay more whining from me. I'm irritated so easily these days. I'll probably end up sounding like a snobby bitch, but oh well.
Recently I was chatting to someone. The person lives rather far away and meeting wasn't really in the cards, but he seemed nice enough and articulate and heck, it's always nice to have new friends and just chat.
Now almost immediately the pushing to meet started. I'm apparently supposed to use my finances and vacation time to go to the middle of nowhere just to meet him. I think not. So that irritated me.
Then he'd go on about how attractive he thought I was. Okay, that's nice and I appreciate the compliment, but just because *I* don't share that same opinion and think I'm all hot doesn't mean that just because YOU say you think I am, that I am all of a sudden going to start thinking I'm Miss Hotpants 2010. Me not thinking I'm attractive doesn't mean I don't believe that you think I am. I'm not really sure why some guys think that just because they say something I'm all of a sudden going to have this epiphany about myself. I'm perfectly capable of believing that they find me attractive and not share that opinion myself.
So that irritated me too. Years of self doubt don't just wash away because some stranger gives you a compliment.
Plus, I kept feeling like every time he complimented me he was waiting for me to return the favour. Frankly, he's 20 years older than me and looks it. He just looked like a normal old guy to me. I wasn't all bowled over by his hotness factor. Hotness isn't what's important to me anyhow, but I wasn't going to tell him how sexy I thought he was when I wasn't thinking it.
The most irritating thing though was getting whiny ass "you are ignoring me" emails. The first one I got was because I WENT TO WORK and didn't answer a message for 10 hours! For one thing, whiny-assed "are you ignoring me" emails just really don't come across as very dommy or toppy to me at all. Maybe that's not fair, but it's still the impression I get. Plus, am I not allowed to work or sleep? Give me a freaking break.
Lately I've been busy with some work I absolutely HAVE to get done. My apartment is a wreck with papers everywhere. I'm stressed out over it and trying to get it done. So, I TOLD this guy I wasn't going to be around much or have time to talk because I really need to get this project done and out of my hair. I told him so that I wouldn't get whiny-assed emails.
Well, that sure didn't work because I've gotten two. I responded to the first one nicely, reminding him that I had told him I was busy and not going to be around much for the next while. No response. So good. Then yesterday I popped online and made a comment on a discussion. Almost immediately I got a message: "I guess you aren't talking to me anymore."
I have to admit, I was really pissed off. Maybe that's not fair of me, but I was. I went back to my work and ignored the message for several hours before going back to respond because I was really mad. Apparently several hours later I was still pissed off about it. Frankly, after last weekend, I'm just not up for taking crap from people. I should probably be more sensitive since I get the "he's ignoring me" thoughts/paranoia myself. Apparently I'm not that enlightened though or willing to cut slack.
So, basically I responded with, "Well, I was still talking to you, but I'm not anymore because I can't deal with these whiny-ass emails." Well, that's not exactly what I said, but that's the intent. I'm more long-winded than that.
Anyhow, fairly or not. I'm irritated. And I still have a mountain of work to plow through. So back to it I go.
Recently I was chatting to someone. The person lives rather far away and meeting wasn't really in the cards, but he seemed nice enough and articulate and heck, it's always nice to have new friends and just chat.
Now almost immediately the pushing to meet started. I'm apparently supposed to use my finances and vacation time to go to the middle of nowhere just to meet him. I think not. So that irritated me.
Then he'd go on about how attractive he thought I was. Okay, that's nice and I appreciate the compliment, but just because *I* don't share that same opinion and think I'm all hot doesn't mean that just because YOU say you think I am, that I am all of a sudden going to start thinking I'm Miss Hotpants 2010. Me not thinking I'm attractive doesn't mean I don't believe that you think I am. I'm not really sure why some guys think that just because they say something I'm all of a sudden going to have this epiphany about myself. I'm perfectly capable of believing that they find me attractive and not share that opinion myself.
So that irritated me too. Years of self doubt don't just wash away because some stranger gives you a compliment.
Plus, I kept feeling like every time he complimented me he was waiting for me to return the favour. Frankly, he's 20 years older than me and looks it. He just looked like a normal old guy to me. I wasn't all bowled over by his hotness factor. Hotness isn't what's important to me anyhow, but I wasn't going to tell him how sexy I thought he was when I wasn't thinking it.
The most irritating thing though was getting whiny ass "you are ignoring me" emails. The first one I got was because I WENT TO WORK and didn't answer a message for 10 hours! For one thing, whiny-assed "are you ignoring me" emails just really don't come across as very dommy or toppy to me at all. Maybe that's not fair, but it's still the impression I get. Plus, am I not allowed to work or sleep? Give me a freaking break.
Lately I've been busy with some work I absolutely HAVE to get done. My apartment is a wreck with papers everywhere. I'm stressed out over it and trying to get it done. So, I TOLD this guy I wasn't going to be around much or have time to talk because I really need to get this project done and out of my hair. I told him so that I wouldn't get whiny-assed emails.
Well, that sure didn't work because I've gotten two. I responded to the first one nicely, reminding him that I had told him I was busy and not going to be around much for the next while. No response. So good. Then yesterday I popped online and made a comment on a discussion. Almost immediately I got a message: "I guess you aren't talking to me anymore."
I have to admit, I was really pissed off. Maybe that's not fair of me, but I was. I went back to my work and ignored the message for several hours before going back to respond because I was really mad. Apparently several hours later I was still pissed off about it. Frankly, after last weekend, I'm just not up for taking crap from people. I should probably be more sensitive since I get the "he's ignoring me" thoughts/paranoia myself. Apparently I'm not that enlightened though or willing to cut slack.
So, basically I responded with, "Well, I was still talking to you, but I'm not anymore because I can't deal with these whiny-ass emails." Well, that's not exactly what I said, but that's the intent. I'm more long-winded than that.
Anyhow, fairly or not. I'm irritated. And I still have a mountain of work to plow through. So back to it I go.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I feel like a hypocrite sometimes
Sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world. Sometimes that feeling lands me in trouble.
I have this idea in my head that because I really desperately want someone to look past things about me and see and like me for me and find me attractive (and want to spank me), that it is hypocritical of me to have any sort of standards of attraction or reject anyone. Who am I to be picky? Who am I to not be attracted to someone or not like them?
I'm not saying this is right or that I shouldn't have standards, just sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have the right to and so sometimes I give people consideration longer than I probably should. Of course then this leads to big misunderstanding since the other party obviously thinks an attraction is there and I'm not correcting that impression.
I admit it, I don't like uncomfortable situations or direct confrontations and I avoid them. Rationally I know that this can lead to even bigger uncomfortable situations, yet still I do it. Plus I let myself be bullied. It always seems easier to just go along with it and hope for the best and then make sure to avoid the person forevermore than to make a scene. Obviously this isn't the best course of action all of the time (or even most of the time).
I have a tendency to have a running debate in my mind whether or not I am over-reacting to a situation and at first assume it's me and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I let this carry on way too long at times, while I'm trying to determine in my head whether or not it is just me or if other person really is a jerk/creepy/whatever and what the consequences of action will be and what sort of actions I should take, if any. Of course, by the time I come to the conclusion that said person really IS a big jerk/creep/whatever, the situation has gotten worse and harder to control and a bigger confrontation looms just to get out of it and feelings may get hurt.
It's landed me in hot water more than a few times yet I still suck at sticking up for myself or dealing with unpleasant situations. When will I learn?
I have this idea in my head that because I really desperately want someone to look past things about me and see and like me for me and find me attractive (and want to spank me), that it is hypocritical of me to have any sort of standards of attraction or reject anyone. Who am I to be picky? Who am I to not be attracted to someone or not like them?
I'm not saying this is right or that I shouldn't have standards, just sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have the right to and so sometimes I give people consideration longer than I probably should. Of course then this leads to big misunderstanding since the other party obviously thinks an attraction is there and I'm not correcting that impression.
I admit it, I don't like uncomfortable situations or direct confrontations and I avoid them. Rationally I know that this can lead to even bigger uncomfortable situations, yet still I do it. Plus I let myself be bullied. It always seems easier to just go along with it and hope for the best and then make sure to avoid the person forevermore than to make a scene. Obviously this isn't the best course of action all of the time (or even most of the time).
I have a tendency to have a running debate in my mind whether or not I am over-reacting to a situation and at first assume it's me and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I let this carry on way too long at times, while I'm trying to determine in my head whether or not it is just me or if other person really is a jerk/creepy/whatever and what the consequences of action will be and what sort of actions I should take, if any. Of course, by the time I come to the conclusion that said person really IS a big jerk/creep/whatever, the situation has gotten worse and harder to control and a bigger confrontation looms just to get out of it and feelings may get hurt.
It's landed me in hot water more than a few times yet I still suck at sticking up for myself or dealing with unpleasant situations. When will I learn?
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