Feeling somewhat removed from it all

This year when it comes to spanking I really AM at the edge of things.  It's very doubtful that I'll be going to any parties this year.  In some ways this makes me pull back from people in the spanking world; my friends, the forums, etc.  I just don't feel I have much to contribute and of course, I'm jealous when everyone else is getting all excited about the next big event.  It's not that I'm not happy for them because I am and totally want them to have a good time, but at the same time it just sort of hurts and I feel left out and left behind and I'm selfish enough to be more sorry about me than I am happy for them.  Not my best quality, I guess.

Anyhow, that got me thinking about meeting people and the spanking world and all of that stuff.  The internet is great and I have no doubt that without it I'd never have gotten spanked.  Ever.  At the same time there's an immediacy to it that starts to build up expectations in people.  Between blogs, twitter, online forums, spanking video sites, spanking forums, chat programs (text, voice and video), and anything else in there I may have overlooked people start to get the expectation that they are OWED stuff.  Just because the technology is there does not mean I am required to show any guy who asks private photos of me.  I don't have to get on web cam.  I don't have to even answer a message if I don't want to or think it doesn't merit a response.  I don't owe anyone anything.  So many think they are owed this and if you aren't willing to provide it, you must be a fake!

Granted there are plenty of people out there who love nothing more than to share their photos (intimate and otherwise), videos and every moment of their life online with everyone.  I'm not saying that is wrong if someone chooses to do that.  If they get genuine enjoyment out of it then more power to them.  But not everyone is like that.  I don't like having my picture taken.  I never have.  I agonize over posting a photo (vanilla) and will only do it on a closed site where someone googling isn't going to be able to just happen upon it.  Fetlife is good because you have to be a member to see anything and you can now set privacy levels on your photos so you can limit a photo to be seen only by your friends and not the Fetlife populace at large.  Thankfully my friends know that if I give them permission to post one picture that I've given the OK to, that it doesn't mean I've given them carte blanche to post any and all pictures they may have of me.  Obviously I know they wouldn't be malicious about it, but I'm very fussy about my pictures and most I'd prefer not to see the light of day.  I have a hard time at the SSC, but I think I've been pretty good at ignoring the camera and trying not to get too focused on it.  I think in 3 years there have been 2 pictures of me I liked and a couple more I didn't like, but didn't have serious objection to someone else posting it.  But they ask.  For each picture they ask.  I appreciate that.

Then you get the blogging phenomenon going on.  I try to be careful here and not post negative stuff about people until long after the fact when no one even remembers I was involved with that person anymore (and even then I try to keep it vague and just to the principles and feelings involved.  What is out of line to me, may be someone else's idea of perfect.)  I'll tend to discuss my concerns with friend in private rather than air them publicly either on a blog or a forum.  I think it avoids a lot of drama and while I might enjoy watching someone else's drama, I have no desire to be centre stage in it.

But lots of people don't.  The second a thought crosses their mind they are blogging about it or posting about it on a forum.  There is always some sort of drama going on somewhere on Fetlife.  (this isn't a kink phenomenon either, it happens on every discussion board everywhere no matter what the topic)  People don't always take time to think "should I really post that?  What will the consequences be?".  The thing with the internet is it can be really hard to take things back.  Sure a blog entry can be deleted or edited, but someone could have already saved it and quoted it somewhere else.  (same as pictures).  And some forums don't have the luxury of even editing let alone deleting something.  Once it's out there, it's out there and you have lost a bit (or a lot) of control over it.  This isn't always good, but in this day of texting, blogging, tweeting, etc etc....stepping back to smell the roses and think things through doesn't always happen.  People say mean and nasty things online; things they wouldn't say to someone face-to-face. The whole anonymity of the internet and the speediness of it takes on a life of it's own.  Almost every day you hear about someone getting fired, losing out on a job, getting kicked out of college (or not accepted into a program) because of their activities online.  That's powerful stuff.  You better be careful before you put stuff out there because it may just come back to bite you on the ass. 

While I don't long for the days of hand writing letters (although that can be fun), I do think there are some negatives with the online world (and believe me, I for one am not giving up my internet).  I do sort of resent that people think they have the right to instant access to you and that you are somehow obligated to provide them personal photos, videos, etc. just because they want it and try to manipulate you into giving it.  I mean, you wouldn't want to be accused of being fake would you?  The horror!

I feel thankful that I found some wonderful friends online.  I definitely would never have found them without the internet.  I'd probably never have gotten spanked either, but some of the stuff and attitudes that the internet brings along with it I could probably do without.  C'est la vie I guess.  You just gotta weigh the good against the bad.  I think the good is still winning.

I'm still jealous of all my friends going to spanking parties without me though!  At least I'll have a puppy.  :)